Page 17 of The Sound Of Us

Frank wakes up early, fresh faced, well rested and extremely remorseful that, once again, he was forced to react the way he did because ‘who asked me to have such a pretty face and make him so jealous that other people still simped for me’.

I cringe inwardly at the use of the word simp since even I’m too old for such terms, but I sip my coffee in bed silently like a good husband, grateful to have a husband who brings me coffee in bed and who ‘doesn’t drug it up with painkillers like those other men down under the bridge near the town square’. And can I just let him have a few drinks in peace without ‘my past’ being rubbed in his face every time?

“The things you said hurt me yesterday, Frank,” I say in a neutral tone now. You see, on Saturdays there’s no danger, and that is why Saturdays are my favorite days.

Frank spends most of the day making up for No Lube Friday. He’s usually distracted enough by trying to deny everything to let me get a few words in.

Now he sits on my side of the bed, rubbing my leg through the blanket. Gentle circles. I’ve come to hate Frank’s gentleness. His gentleness, like his kindness, comes at too high a cost.

“What things?” he asks, as if he truly doesn’t know what I’m talking about. He says it with a smile. And that tells me he knows.

But according to Frank, since I never finished high school, and actually hardly ever went to school at all because I was ‘sickly’, I’m not smart enough to catch and correctly interpret his every nuance. He’s wrong that I hardly ever went to school. It had only been senior year.

He thinks his smile means he’s innocent.

I know his smile means he knows he was fully in charge of his faculties last night, but he’s really going to sit there and actually act like nothing happened and Saturday is the only day of the week I can speak my mind.

“You said I was useless and a corpse in bed.” Among other things, but I choose the best ones.

Another grin meant to make me feel stupid. “No, I didn’t say that. You heard it wrong. I would never say that to you.”

“You did say it, Frank. You could just say sorry, you know.”

“Okay. If that’s what you heard, then I’m sorry. And you know, I don’t mean anything I say when I have a few drinks.”

I finish my coffee and Frank takes the mug from my hand. His movements are gentle, his voice light and upbeat. I take liberties.

“I hate it when you’re like that, Frank.”

He turns at the door. “Okay. I said I was sorry you misheard me. What else do you want, Ax?”

A tiny edge accompanies his tone. I bow my head. “Nothing.”

Frank remains at the door. “What, you’re angry now?”

“No.” I’m almost shaking with fury.

“You gonna walk around with that long face all day then and make me feel like I’m the bad guy? After everything I do around here?”

The shirtless back of the deaf neighbor flies through my head, a lightning bolt piercing through my conscience. My eyes fly to Frank, almost expecting him to have looked inside my head and found that last night I had an erection for the first time in a long time and it was in response to a man who is not my husband.

It’s enough to force a smile out of my face. Bright and cheerful. “No, Frank,” I say. And it’s only because it felt like I cheated on him last night, and no one deserved that. Not even Frank.

Chapter 9

Axel

I hate the cold, except of course, on Fridays, when I can wear multiple sets of clothes. On ordinary days, I much prefer the sun warming my face while I sit on my boulder of shame, waiting for Frank and his boys to finish watching their game.

Frank has exactly three friends, if you include James’ brother, Kenny. The same three friends from kindergarten. You already know Kenny. The remaining two are Peter Gibson, who packed the shelves at the big supermarket in town. Married, with three adult daughters. Straight, obviously, right? Yeah. Right.

Then there’s Scotty Scott. Really, that’s his real name. Scotty isn’t married but after he got kicked out of his mom’s house for stealing her high blood pressure medication, he moved in with Audrey Vincent, whose husband died two years ago.

Audrey’s two adult daughters left River Valley last year and Frank told me that one of them was pregnant and didn’t know who the father was and that’s the reason she left. The other one did good. She got an actual job in Ohio and sends money back home to her mom every month. Sometimes I wonder if I could have left River Valley if I’d finished high school. The thought used to sicken me as much as it excited me when I would fantasize about it in the early years of my marriage.

Anyway, ‘thick as thieves’ Frank and his friends were, all four of them (sometimes, three when Frank got tired of Kenny). An unbreakable bond between brothers. Because the blood of the covenant was thicker than the water of the womb and all that. Closer, actually, than brothers. Frank loved his friends and they loved him.

Last Christmas, Peter had drank himself into a stupor after his wife sent him packing for being drunk at nine a.m., and decided he wanted to explore a bit of a bi-awakening. With me.

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