Page 19 of The Sound Of Us

“I mean he wants us to meet up at the bar.”

“You don't need all of that, Ax. And if you do, I'll take you. Who else do you need but me, right?”

I'm boiling inside because I can't remember the last time I went to the bar with my best friend. “Right,” I say, anyway.

“Why don’t you give me a smile?” He steps forward, and it takes a grandiose effort to keep still and not shrivel away from his kiss.

I smile, and save myself by saying, “Don’t forget I’m starting my new job on Monday.”

He gives me my space again. “Why do you need that job? My money not good enough for you? I don’t give you fancy enough things? And I told you so many times I don't like that Ben character.”

It’s said with a smile. A teasing note to hide the nastiness just underneath. Two shots of vodka would expose the fakery. Luckily for me, Frank won’t start drinking until his buddies get here.

Anger and resentment, my ever-loyal companions, rise like devils, but I manage to keep any response trapped inside my mouth. I don’t want to reassure him that his money is good enough, even though I know that’s what he wants. Especially because I know that’s what he wants. I don’t want to give him what he’s asking for.

“Oh, I’m going to get a wall phone installed at the house.”

“A what?”

Frank laughs. “I always forget how young you are. A wall phone, Axel. When I was growing up, we didn’t have cell phones like you spoiled kids. We had a wall phone. So I’m going to get one installed.”

“Okay?” I’m not sure where this is going. And I mean, I’m twenty-eight. I’m hardly a kid.

“So, from tomorrow, I’ll call you every day at six p.m. If you answer, it means you’re home from that job you insist on having.”

Oh my god, what?

“If you don’t answer, it means you’re not home and that would mean you’re out doing something you shouldn’t be doing.”

I’ve never—

I’m shocked beyond words. “I—I wouldn’t—I’m not…”

“I guess I can admit I get a little jealous sometimes. You’re so young and beautiful. And here I am, pushing fifty, almost.”

“You’re only forty-three, Frank,” I say softly, hoping he’ll drop this ridiculous plan.

He laughs. “That’s a long way away from twenty-eight.”

“I won’t even see forty, so count it as a blessing.”

Frank sighs. “Fuck, Axel. Do you have to turn everything around and make it about you? So you had cancer. No need to bring it up when I’m sharing my feelings with you. Fuck, you’re so inconsiderate.”

“Sorry, Frank.”

“This whole wall phone thing. I’m doing it for you. I just don’t want to get angry with you, okay? So, if I know you’re home, safe and sound from other men and their fucked up minds, then I’ll be happy.”

I hold my breath, releasing it only when he steps back and tosses a woollen hat at me. “Get back before dark,” he says. “You can’t read in the dark anyway, and besides, that deaf neighbor… we don’t know him. He might think you’re a trespasser and with him being all deaf and what not, he might do something.”

I’m confused by what he means, but I keep it to myself. “Okay, Frank. But I took a flashlight to read, just in case I get too absorbed in the story, okay?”

He considers my request and, after a beat, nods and pats his cheek with his index finger. Give me a kiss. Every cell and atom in my body rebels, but if I’m going up to my boulder of shame with the precise intention of staying there till after dark so I can see the new neighbor, then the least I can do is give my husband of ten years a kiss on his cheek.

As Pepper and I walk, all I can think is, a fucking wall phone? I can’t fucking believe it.

***

I’m just curious, like everyone else. It’s easy to reason with yourself when you can get lost in the crowd, so to speak. I’m not interested in the rippling of back muscles. Not in the curious indentations above his waistband. Back dimples. I have them too. I never understood Frank’s fascination with them in the early days.

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