Page 29 of The Sound Of Us

I don’t know all the psychological words to describe why people react the way they do in these types of situations. On the surface, it seemed obvious what the reactions of a person being violated ought to have been. Scream. Push the person away. Tell someone.

I’d done none of those things. I’d pressed my eyelids together, made sure not to breathe too hard, and remained perfectly still while Frank stroked my dick.

Over the years, the only explanation I could provide myself with was that I was hard, so I must have wanted it. A fact Frank never allowed me to forget when he was drunk. Don’t act like you didn’t want it, Axel. Right there on the grass with Reverend Baker preaching, you got so excited, like some whore. I only gave you what you wanted.

We never ever talked about how I had never given him permission to touch me in the first place. That I had woken up to his hand in my pants. Unfortunately, I could never explain why I had an erection, so Frank won the argument every single time.

I went into the New Year that year with the reverend’s words ringing in my ear: commit your bodies to the Lord. Your body is the temple of God, not to be handed out to every person that comes along.

And whatever purity I could find in me and between me and Frank became the foundation upon which I began to build my life with Frank. After James, I figured this was as good as it was going to get. That I should be grateful that Frank wanted me. That someone wanted me after I'd defiled myself with James.

Over the years, the fire I’d had for The Lord had been doused and I became suspicious of this Being who we went to church for and worshipped every Sunday.

“Whoa, hey, where’d you go?”

Ben’s voice brings me back. I’d even forgotten what we were talking about. But before I can answer, he checks the time on his watch and dashes out of the storeroom like he’s being chased by hound dogs.

Chapter 14

Axel

I dash out after him. Are we being robbed? Why would anyone rob a bookstore? And anyway, we might be the poorest, most backward town in the whole United States, but we don’t have a lot of crime around here.

I stop short when I find Ben slamming the glass door shut and locking it with so much force it’s like we are being robbed.

Then I catch a glimpse of Casey Flannigan pressing her face and both palms to the glass window. Ben steps away from the door and claps his hands together like he’s dusting something off them, looking pleased.

“Dude, what are you doing?” I ask, my head swinging between him and a furious Casey.

“You know what’s the first thing I’m gonna do when I take over this place?” she yells.

Ben laughs and points to his ears. “Can’t hear you,” he sings.

Casey bangs on the window again. We can hear her, but even if we couldn’t, it’s clear she wants to murder Ben.

“I’m gonna fire your crusty ass. That’s what I’m gonna do.” And then when she sees me, “Hey, hey new guy. Axel, right? I know you from church. You got sick that one time and I was the one who brought you water. Open the door.” Her head bobs up and down like there’s a spring at the back of her neck.

I remember that time I passed out in church. “That was you? Thanks.”

Her smile almost cracks the glass. “See, I’m a good person, right? Tell that big ogre over there.”

“Ben, come on,” I say, making for the door. “Technically, she owns this place.”

Ben hauls me back. “She’s not allowed in here. Her mom’s—my boss’s—instructions.”

“Why?”

Casey was now on the floor with the back of her head banging against the glass. “Open the door, Ben,” she wails.

“She’s failing every single one of her classes. You wanna know why? Cos all she does is read. She doesn’t study. And last week, she pretended to be sick, so she didn’t have to go to her uncle’s birthday party—”

“—I would have been sick if I’d gone, by the way,” Casey calls out from outside. She’s still knocking the back of her head against the window. “So, I saved everybody the trouble and just called it before it happened.”

She jumps up and presses her face against the glass again. “And tell me something, Oh Great Ben, god and gatekeeper of bookstores, when has a birthday party ever been better than reading a book in your bedroom?”

Ben falters. I’m finding this exchange hilarious.

“Okay,” he says, defeated. “Okay, but what about your grades? Your mom says no more books until you get your grades up.”

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