Page 55 of The Sound Of Us

Tears gather at the back of my eyes as I come face-to-face with my orgasm and my unbearable need for Eli.

He sends me over the edge and I’m falling, safe in his arms. Falling into this sin. Falling in love with him.

He holds me like that for a long time. We have nothing to clean up with, so he drags his hand up my chest, my cum beneath his palm, hot a second ago, now cooling quickly. But Eli’s warm hand alleviates some of the discomfort as he rubs my semen into my abdomen, up into my chest and whatever is left disappearing into my skin at my neck. Eli has lathered me with my own cum.

It should feel nasty, what he’s doing. But all it is, is sinfully erotic. I bask in it, fighting off the reality of what I’m doing.

My self-loathing can wait until I get home.

Chapter 29

Eli

I’m addicted to him.

I’m not officially working, but I’d asked to sit in on some meetings from time to time. I missed a board meeting this morning. I have never missed a meeting, ever.

I slept through the night.

It isn’t rocket science, what’s happening. There’s a shift here. The earth’s plates moving beneath my feet, cracking down the centre and I’m stuck in the middle. My life as I know it—predictable, easy and under my absolute control—is slipping away from me as Axel, inch by inch, begins to take centre stage.

Thoughts of him consume me. Dreams of him hasten my sleep, pulling me into a kind of rest I haven’t had in months.

He’s everywhere. His breath whispering across the skin on my neck. His heartbeat against the palm of my hand even when it’s been hours since I last saw him. I feel him long after I’d let him go.

I stand at the kitchen window, willing Pepper, at least, to make an appearance. My coffee, long since forgotten, is cold between my palms.

I set it down and check my phone for messages. My assistant, Theresa: we don’t mind, but you missed the board meeting. Is everything okay?

Is everything okay? Since when do I skip work meetings? And in which universe would the reason be that I overslept?

I respond to Theresa: I’m fine. I’m sorry I missed the meeting. Send me the minutes.

My eyes are still on the path outside. Pepper is nowhere to be seen. I hope she’s not tied up. I should check up on her. Axel must be on his way to work. The morning is still, making the emptiness that much more unbearable. I play with the idea of going to the bookstore.

The bookstore wins and an hour later the doorbell tinkles, announcing my arrival.

The manager, Ben, greets me in sign language. I return the greeting while my eyes quickly scan the space. Axel is nowhere in sight. Maybe he’s at the back.

“What are you looking for today, Eli?” Ben asks. He pronounces his words carefully and clearly. I guess some hearing people do listen to us.

I take out my phone. A few mystery books to pass the time. Because the mystery books are all the way in the back.

Ben guides me happily, reaching for several recommendations. I covertly investigate the back room.

Ben is an excellent customer service agent. After a few minutes, he goes into the storeroom and comes out with my prize.

Axel looks tired, but the light in his eyes when he sees me is unmistakable. He masks it quickly when Ben turns to him. He listens to whatever Ben is saying to him, nodding and with periodic glances over Ben’s head at me. He chews the corner of his bottom lip and he catches me watching him play with that lip every time he looks up.

It must have been fifteen seconds, but it feels like an eternity before Ben finally heads back to the counter with a smile and a wave at me.

Axel takes a tentative step toward me. The downward turn of his mouth, his fingers fidgeting with the cuff of his sleeve and his hesitant steps combine and produce a myriad of panic and confusion, but his eyes tell me a thousand things to the contrary.

In this harsh light of day, of reality, without the moon to protect us under the old Scarlet tree near the lake, our situation slowly morphs into something else. Dirtied by the light, by social norms and secret abuse that prevent Axel from simply walking away from a life he doesn’t want. From walking into a life he wants.

I know he’s feeling this unwanted intrusion of reality, too, pushing its way into the secret places we created only for us.

He comes to stand in front of me. “Mystery books?” he asks.

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