Page 70 of The Sound Of Us

And for these few minutes, I pretend that we have the right to be like this. The right to have this moment.

The ride is over too soon. Eli slows down to a stop as close as possible to the entrance of the bookstore. The rain is coming down stronger and the fact that Eli had noticed enough to park so close to the entrance makes my heart swell.

He squeezes my hand and I return the action.

Neither of us moves, but the street is already busy and someone is bound to notice if I stay inside Eli’s car for longer than is deemed polite. I have no reason to stay in this car as long as I already have.

Finally, Eli releases my hand and reaches over my knee for the glove compartment. He pulls out a phone. It’s an iPhone. It looks brand new.

I look at him sharply. “Keep this at work,” he types on his phone.

He places the phone on my lap. It vibrates with a text immediately.

A secret phone.

I close my fingers around the phone and slip it into my pocket, signing, Thank you.

I exit the car with yet another tool to help me with my affair. Another way to cheat on Frank.

Another way to be with Eli.

Another way to experience the most incredible thing in my life.

A secret phone to provide a lifeline directly to Eli.

Not an ounce of guilt rises in me.

Today, I feel justified. Why shouldn’t I have this? Why shouldn’t I be happy too?

I unlock the bookstore, keeping the closed sign facing outside. I’m grateful for the thirty minutes I’ll be alone before Ben arrives, because I’ll need to figure out how to use an iPhone.

Chapter 38

Eli

I’d never thought much about how my life would end up when it came to love. Like everything else in my life, I knew it would work out based on how much or how little work I put into it.

I’m not the guy that obsesses about things. I expect things to work out. Relationships have been relatively easy for me. There aren’t many to speak of, being the main reason. But even the few forgettable ones had come and gone without much drama. We met, had a good time, things changed and then we went our separate ways.

I don’t regret them, but walking away had been the same as walking away from a business deal that didn’t work out. It happens.

I didn’t stare at my phone for hours, hoping for a phone call, like I am now.

The rain calmed down a little and that resulted in my lights flashing three different times within thirty minutes, just after I dropped Axel off.

Mrs. Dalton brought me a pecan pie ‘to share with Axel later, if we managed to get together.’ She wrote it down on a piece of paper and then tore it up into a million pieces after I’d read it. “Don’t want that stinkin’ Frank finding out,” she’d said. I don’t know if she was talking to me or to herself, but I read her loud and clear.

David Shapiro’s wife came by after that with some mashed potatoes. “Extra butter, yellow like the sun,” she’d said dramatically and making sure her face was close to mine when she’d said it. I appreciated the effort.

Poor old Dennis Walker came by with some painkillers just in case I had a headache. He’d stood at the door a second longer than was polite and I got the message. I warmed up the still untouched container of pasta I’d made the night before and handed it over to him with a canister of fresh coffee and fifty dollars. And I only know his name is Dennis Walker because it said so on the name tag of what looked like a janitor’s uniform.

Then, when I was sure my weekly dose of River Valley community check-ups was done, I closed my door and dropped myself onto my bed, my phone stuck to my palm.

I could have texted Axel first. It’s what I would have done with anyone else in my life. It isn’t rocket science. It's simple and logical: If I wanted to text someone, I simply did. But with Axel, there are rules I’m not accustomed to.

Such as this text message debacle I now find myself in. There seems to be a rule about who texts who first. And it feels like I should wait for him to do it. My gut tells me it’s important to give him the space and control. To let him lead this thing between us at his pace.

It’s new, this being led thing, but it’s not unwanted. Axel’s comfort and his need for safety have become more important than anything in my life.

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