Page 73 of The Sound Of Us

“We need to run some tests, but we’ve talked about this for a long time,” Dr. Shashi says, after giving me a big handshake and a comforting pat on my back.

“Yes, Dr. Shashi.”

“We’ll do everything we can. We’ll fight to keep you as healthy as possible.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.”

“Let’s wait for the results.”

The relationship between a doctor and a patient is hard to explain. They’re the closest anyone will come to understanding what it is to be told you’re certainly going to die and that it will happen soon.

“I’ll let you know as soon as the results come in. We knew that a relapse was possible and we’ve been prepared.”

I go through the routine tests and then, numb with the news, I make the walk home. If it seems strange that I’m not losing my mind, it’s because I already knew this when I had the first headache. I’d had my meltdown back then. I already know what the test results will be.

It’s back. I won’t get away with it this time. I won’t cheat death again.

Tears fall down my face silently. Just like when Frank hits me, there are no theatrics. Just these silent, exhausted tears.

For people who think it’s comforting to know the almost-exact time you’ll die… it’s not. To know that you won’t live past thirty-five doesn’t make you more prepared for it.

I’d rather not have known. Like someone who dies in a car accident in their twenties. A short life, but they didn’t have to spend their living years agonizing over it.

About ten minutes away from home, after I’ve passed the main road and turned onto our side of town, a car honks behind me. I step off the side of the road without turning to see who it is. I already know it’s Kenny. The car’s occupants include Frank shotgun and Peter and Scotty in the back seat.

“Hey, Axel, get in,” Kenny says.

I peer into the backseat. Whatever space was left had been taken up by packs of alcohol. Scotty says, “Where’re we gonna put all the booze?”

Peter just stares at my crotch. I fuckin’ hate that guy. What a fuckin’ creep.

“It’s not that bad,” Frank says. “It’s just a couple more minutes.” Then to me he says, “You’ll be fine, right, baby? We’ll meet you at the top.”

Kenny looks at me again. “You sure, Axel?”

I step back from the car. “Yeah, yeah. It’s just a couple more paces.”

“Okay, then.”

“Let’s go,” Frank says with a laugh when someone in the back says something I can’t hear.

I watch them drive off without a single hint of surprise, but it still hurts, the way Frank simply… doesn’t care.

With the rain now pelting, I jog home and as I step up onto our porch, I turn to the sound of a car roaring past. It’s Eli’s SUV.

I wonder where he’s going. A small part of me wonders if he’s gone to pick me up from work.

I wait until Eli’s SUV disappears down the road, hoping the rain stops enough for me to still use the excuse of reading at the lake later tonight.

Chapter 40

Eli

If I knew any rain dances or ceremonies, I’d have performed them right there on my living room floor.

The time says seven-fifteen. Axel usually makes his way to the lake around eight p.m. and stays till around midnight. What excuse could he possibly give to be out in the rain?

So instead of rain dances, I pray. I mean, I know what it looks like, but desperate times and all that. Glaring out at the rain, I wrack my brain for ways that would let Axel keep the phone I gave him. But taking it home isn’t an option and I can’t just call him on his own phone, so how? How do we do this?

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