Page 91 of The Sound Of Us

“And that deaf cunt had some nerve, huh? Trying to come between me and you.”

God, how to answer this question? I try carefully. “He doesn’t know how things work around here.” It’s a sucker punch. A pathetic betrayal to Eli, but I promised him I’d do whatever was necessary to avoid a beating until… until I can run away with him.

Frank seems satisfied with my answer for all of one second. Something about Eli must has really triggered him. His face twists and his fingers move like little snakes at his sides.

My mouth is dry. I shoo Pepper away with my foot. She doesn’t move. I try to move her with my foot again, but she stays planted to my side, her eyes on Frank. It hasn’t stopped him before, Pepper being in the way like this. He’s thought nothing of kicking her out of the way before. Which is why I need her to move.

“I mean, I’d have laid a thick one into him if he wasn’t some kind of disability case. And anyway, I'm not the type.”

My blood boils. Not the type? To what? Beat people? He's right, anyway. I'm the exception. “Yes, Frank.”

“But that was his one chance. Next time, I don’t care if he’s got himself cancer even, Ima fucking rearrange his fuckin’ face.”

“Yes. Frank.”

His eyes refocus on mine. “The fuck is this yes, Frank, yes Frank, fuckin’ shit? You also dumb like that cunt, too?”

I hesitate, but I know to engage more than this will make things so much worse. I answer eventually. “No, Frank.”

“Yes Frank. No Frank. Yes Frank. No Frank. Shut the fuck up for a while, Axel. You’re such a stupid fuckin’ cunt. And if he ever comes between us when we discussin’ things again, he’s fuckin dead, ye hear me?”

Oh, God. How do I agree? “I hear you.”

“And did you get my soda?”

Blood drains to my feet. I’m absolutely fucked. The sodas are in Eli’s car. Think. Oh, my fucking God. Think!

“Uhm, well, I—”

“Fuckin’ speak up, Axel.”

“I forgot,” I breathe.

At first, I’m convinced he’s going to send one right across my cheek, but then he laughs. “Ax, you’re really something.” I don’t miss the sarcasm and his infamous smirk.

He cups his balls vulgarly. “Now get that dog outside so you can make it up to me for forgetting my soda.”

When I don’t move for the sudden shock of the fact that I have to sleep with Frank, he walks over to me and slaps the back of my head. “You a statue or something?”

I move my feet, my mind completely detached from my body. I can’t go through with this. There’s no place deep enough in my mind where I can go that would protect me from this. Not after Eli. This is a betrayal of the truest love I’ve ever known. The situation is the opposite now and no piece of paper can make it any other way. I belong to Eli. It’s Eli I’d be betraying.

I shove Pepper out of the house and then enter the bedroom with legs made of lead. Palms tingling like they do when you stand too high up on something and you look down.

One time, the fair came through town. Ben was going on the Ferris wheel. I wanted to go too but Ben was worried I’d get sick, but I was fully committed to my life is too short and you only live once approach to life so I went, anyway.

I did get sick, and it had started with the tingling in my feet and hands when I looked down.

This is the same, but so much worse. Frank and I hadn’t had sex since I said no the last time. Tonight will be a punishment for that, too.

Frank saunters into the room. I watch him from the corner of my eye, pretending to straighten the bed, fluff up the pillows. And when he just stands there looking at me, I move to the window to draw the curtains shut. Pepper is outside the window, whining softly. I put my finger to my lips, telling her to shush. It breaks my heart to shut the curtains on her face, but I’m sure she’s more heartbroken than me.

“But I’m not done with you for acting like you’re all so much smarter than me,” Frank says. “It really hurt my feelings when you did that, Axel. I expected more from you as my husband.”

I stiffen, making work out of straightening out the curtain. I don’t know which Frank to be more afraid of. The angry one? The sorrowful one?

“You shouldn’t forget that I made you, Axel. If it were not for me, you’d have been six feet under before you even turned twenty-one.”

His voice has that loud pridefulness about it. Confident and superior. He truly believes every word he’s saying.

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