Page 136 of The Rest is History

I don’t correct him. I love his incorrect words that he learns from too much TV. I miss the days when he would say abstenauts for astronauts. “You’re overwhelned?”

“Yeah. I wanna go to the paywin.”

“You wanna go to the playroom?”

He nods.

“Okay, let’s go.”

“Oh, no you don’t,” Pippin says when she catches me and Ez trying to sneak out of the party.

“What?” I ask.

Faye comes up behind her. “You have got to stop stealing him away like that.”

I shrug. “I’m his favorite. Bye.”

And we make our getaway into the house.

Sawyer and Ash find me on the floor with Ez in the guest room, now his paywin.

They drop to the floor next to me and begin to build the LEGO pieces.

We sit like that in the quiet for a long time. Sometimes, we don’t need words. And after all these years, sometimes our life together is boring.

Sometimes, I don’t like Sawyer because he puts too much salt in the chicken teriyaki and I tell him to fuck off, and only Mrs. Cameron can make chicken teriyaki. He tells me that he’d rather fuck me. Also, I want to punch him when he watches his series on my Netflix profile. And sometimes, Asher doesn’t like us because we gang up on him and refuse to fuck him unless he agrees to wear his cap backwards. He just doesn’t get the appeal.

Sometimes, sex is boring and other times we forget all the plans we made for a hot date night because we’re too tired.

It’s perfect and it’s everything I dreamed of for a life for myself. Everything worked out. Everything worked out for me.

I arrived at Asher’s front door four months after Abby’s death to ask for his forgiveness and to tell him about my daughter. I see now that I was not running away from my problems, like my father told me. I was going home, because, since I was seventeen, home has always been somewhere in Iowa.

My eyes fall to the silver rings on our fingers, and I realize that life can still turn out fine even if the path you thought you needed to take isn’t the one you found yourself on. It may not look like the road we imagined but we can still find happiness.

I found my best friend again. My first and most devastating love is mine again. In Asher, it feels like I've returned home.

In Sawyer, I got to experience the joy and wonder of falling in love as an adult. Forming bonds with someone with the advantage of age and experience.

It’s a privilege to be able to love like this, and to be loved like this in return.

I found them when I was at my lowest, loneliest point. And now, my life is full. I’ll never forget Abigail, and my only regret is that she’ll never know these beautiful people.

I have a family now. A real family built on love and respect and kindness. On safety and genuine care.

And that is all I ever wanted.

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