Page 15 of The Rest is History

Me: Yes, sweetheart.

Sawyer: I’ll be home in about an hour. Is that still enough time? If you need more time, let me know beforehand.

Me: Okay, but I think it’ll be enough time.

Enough time for what? To reminisce about my teenage love affair with my ex-best friend? To finally get the apology I deserve for what Buddy Carter did to my family? To test the waters and see if I'm really over the first boy I ever loved?

My husband is far more generous than I deserve. But Sawyer is that kind of soul. The hardships he’s endured throughout his life has softened him in ways most of us would never be able to understand. Sawyer is a man who sees the inside before he sees the outside and, sometimes, he misses the outside entirely.

Me: I love you. Thank you for this. I don’t know why you agreed.

Sawyer: You never got closure. I know how important it is to you. I love you. See you later.

My chest tightens. Fear is alive inside me. I am not prepared for what I might feel when I look at Reece Carter again.

Another text comes through, this time from my sister-in-law.

Pippin: Ash?

My stomach plummets. If that deadbeat boyfriend of hers . . .

I tap on the call button.

“Ash, nothing’s wrong,” she says as soon as she picks up.

“Is Ezra okay?” I ask.

“Yeah. He’s great. We went and got his two-month shots earlier today.”

“You still have enough diapers and such?”

“Yeah. Everything you brought over last week will last the month. And Carlson didn’t come back, don’t worry. I just wanted to tell you that I wanna take Ezra to go see Faye when Sawyer goes again. He said no, so please can you talk to him?”

“Do they allow babies in for prison visits?” I ask.

“I checked. They do. I want my sister to see Ezra, Ash. Sawyer says it’s too soon.”

I love Sawyer’s sisters like my own. He did his best to take care of them but some things you just can’t prevent. Twin girls who just fell in with the wrong people. Pippin, pregnant at twenty by a loser named Carlson I’d like to kill with my bare hands. And sweet Faye. One moment of weakness with someone offering her crystal meth. A year later, she was unrecognizable. Three days after she turned eighteen, she was caught for housebreaking and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. She got thirteen years. Rightfully so, and she was lucky it wasn’t a longer sentence. Still, it crushed Sawyer and Pippin.

“I’ll talk to him,” I tell Pippin.

“Okay, thank you. Love you, Ash. Bye.”

“Love you more.”

I end the call and check on the Uber ride again. Reece Carter’s trip is complete. Slipping my phone back into my pocket, I go to stand by the window – just far enough to not be noticed through the curtain, but close enough to get a first glimpse of Reece when his Uber pulls up. I need this head start.

A Toyota Corolla comes to a stop in front of the bed of kale. I’ll help Sawyer prepare the soil next week for the peas and beets.

The back door of the Toyota swings open. I place my hand on my chest, rubbing absently. My palms tingle the way they do when you’re on a rollercoaster and it’s beginning its ascent.

Calm down.

Why didn’t we meet at a public place? Why did I invite him to my and Sawyer’s home? Why did Sawyer agree?

The tightness in my chest remains. I invited him here because I needed Reece to see my life exactly as it is now: happy, stable and full. I wanted this visit to happen in the space that belongs to both me and Sawyer. I wanted it to be that when Reece sees me for the first time again, it will be in a place surrounded by Sawyer’s presence too.

Because despite the tumult of conflicting feelings – my never-ending love for the boy who was my best friend, my regret over how we ended, and the pride I take in how I survived such a tragedy – I won’t give up or jeopardize the life I now have for anything in this world. Not even for Reece.

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