Page 19 of The Rest is History

He was all I ever wanted, but like I said – we all got over it.

“I didn’t want to live in a world where decisions about my life were made on a golf course by people who would dispose of me at the drop of a hat,” I say. “I never wanted to be controlled like that. I’m still involved in the game. I just try to help others now and I look out for them. Teach them to never let people push them around no matter how big and scary they seem.”

He drops his gaze, staring at his lap. “I’m sorry for everything, Asher. I’ll never forgive myself for making you lose your chance to play football.”

“You didn’t do anything, Reece. It was your father. I’m smart enough to know the difference. My parents were too. No one blames you.”

It was always my job to look out for him. It’s one of the things his father loved about me the most before they threw us out. I was a good influence on Reece. He was a better person because he had a best friend like me. Until I became a ‘predator’ overnight. A ‘disgrace’. And ‘stay away from my son’.

“He told me that you were safer if I never contacted you again. That if anything happened to you it would be my fault. That’s why I never called you.”

I laugh. The bitterness in my response can’t be helped. “Threats. Yeah. I guess it worked.”

“Why didn’t you ever call me?”

“Same reason. Your father said he’ll throw you out and you’ll end up penniless like us if we ever got in contact.”

“You seem . . .” Reece says, after he’s stared at me for too long.

I give him a curious look.

“Happy.”

“I am happy.”

“You got over . . . everything.”

“Didn’t you?” The conversation is getting too personal. I should text Sawyer to tell him to come home early.

Reece doesn’t answer. He doesn’t need to. Unfinished business, he said just now. He looks like he wants to say something else. I wait him out. Reece will tell you what’s on his mind if you’re a little patient with him. Most people weren’t. Especially his father. Just speak up, his father used to demand.

He spits it out eventually.

“I uh, don’t have a job anymore. As of this afternoon. And I’ll be broke soon. I have enough money in my bank account to last me a few months. What do you think about – about—?”

He stops. Tries again: “What if I stayed out here and, you know, found some work? I’m an accountant by profession but I’ll do any kind of work. Is that a bad idea? I have nothing to go back to now. The house is on the market to be sold and Julie’s in California. Abby – Abby – Abby’s here with me.” He taps his chest lightly.

“You want to move here? Permanently?”

His face is pink. The attractive blush moves all the way to his ears. He lets out a short laugh. “No. No. Of course not. I – I wasn’t thinking. That was stupid. I didn’t come here to disrupt your life. I’m sorry. I really only just wanted to see you again to talk about the way we left things and to tell you about Abby.”

He rises. “I know it’s not polite to have come back into your life like this. You have a husband, I know that. I just wanted to get away from Arizona for a while. I’m sorry. I know it sounds like I came here with ulterior motives, but I swear, it’s nothing like that. I should go.”

Where are my manners? “No. Don’t go. I made dinner. Stay. Sawyer will be home soon. I’ll set the table.”

“Are you sure?” His eyes are filled with worry.

“I’m sure.” And then, to get rid of any potential undercurrent, I add, “I don’t regret the life I ended up with, Reece. I love Sawyer. He’s an amazing man. You’ll see when you meet him. And – and he loves me too.”

His eyes flash. It’s a fraction of a moment but I catch it. He can’t fool me, not even after all this time. “I loved you first,” he says. There’s a bite in his voice but also a hint of defeat. He knows none of it matters now. I loved him first too. I don’t think I’ll ever not love him. I wouldn’t know how. But I love Sawyer too. I love Sawyer now.

He lowers his eyes, but the deadly impact of his words has already smashed through the defensive walls where only Sawyer is allowed. “I’m sorry,” he says. “That was inappropriate. Forgive me, Asher.”

I give him a curt nod but oh, I remember how beautiful it was to be loved by Reece. So completely and unwaveringly. “Excuse me a second. Let me put this away,” I say, holding up the jam jar. I head to the kitchen, set the jam on the counter and send Sawyer a text, asking him to come home. Reece can live wherever he wants. He can move right next door if he wants. What will it change?

We don’t talk for the remainder of the time Reece and I are alone in my home. I busy myself between the kitchen and the dining area. The air tinkles with glasses and plates being set up. I watch the back of his head while I work. I don’t regret my life. If Reece’s father hadn’t sent us packing back to Iowa I would never have met Sawyer. And not knowing Sawyer in any version of reality is inconceivable.

But what about all the what ifs that lie so heavily between me and Reece now, in this moment, and all the years before this, before Sawyer, when I pined for the man seated in my living room like a madman, drunk on love? When things hurt us and we can’t understand why it has to be that way, we put them at the back of our minds and move on with life, but the questions are still always there.

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