Page 47 of The Rest is History

Chapter 20

Reece

Doubt crosses Sawyer’s face. My heart deflates. He changed his mind? Fuck, he changed his mind. “If it won’t trigger you or anything, sure.” His voice softens. “Because – because of your loss.”

If Sawyer wasn’t Asher’s husband – anyone’s husband – I swear to God, I would’ve fallen in love with him. “No. It’s okay. I want to come. Are you sure it’s okay for me to tag along?” My heart is a drum being beaten inside my chest. I want to meet Ezra so desperately.

Sawyer raises an eyebrow curiously. “Of course. We’re friends, right?” Then, he adds, “We can be friends, you know. It doesn’t have to be weird.”

My chest relaxes with a much needed expel of breath. I want nothing more. “Did Asher also tell you how I fucked up our lives?” I ask suddenly. In an instant, I want Sawyer to know all the ugly things before he decides he wants to be my friend.

“He told me how your father fucked up everyone’s lives. It’s not the same thing.”

“Yeah, well. He lost his whole future because of me.”

Sawyer grins. “He got another kind of future.” He points to himself. “Life doesn’t have to be bad just because it didn’t turn out the way you thought.”

I want to tell Sawyer that in Asher’s other future – the one that didn’t happen – I was him. I was the love of Asher’s life. “It took me almost my whole life to get away from my father. It took the death of my daughter to realize that I wasn’t living. I was a dead man with a beating heart and I don’t want to live like that anymore.”

Now all I want is a quiet life like theirs, but I don’t tell Sawyer that.

He comes to stand close to me. Closer than what would be considered polite. I should take a step back but this – this is not bad. It doesn’t feel bad standing so close to Sawyer. In fact, it feels like I might drop to my knees and bury my face between his thighs.

“You did the right thing, getting away. You need to live.”

“Do you really think so?” Suddenly, his opinion matters the most.

“Yeah, I do.”

I clear my throat because I can’t stand the way he’s staring at me. He looks like he wants to say something else but finally, he turns away without a word. The loss of his body heat is insanely noticeable.

He’s Asher’s husband. He’s Asher’s husband.

It’s a chant in my head but it doesn’t help at all. I tell myself it’s impossible for me to not only still be in love with Asher, but also be attracted to his husband.

It’s just the fascination with how perfect their life is. And how easily I could imagine my own life like that – simple and filled with love and nothing else. They’re who they are and they’re happy together, it doesn't matter what happens in the world around them. Their quiet life feels like something I, too, could very easily fall into if I met the right person one day.

“I saw how you worked that mattock today,” Sawyer says. “You did a great job.”

I almost preen. I thought he ignored me all day but maybe he didn’t. “Thank you.” But my mouth isn’t really working. Only my dick. So much so that I have to turn away to protect my and Sawyer’s virtues from my highly intrusive sexual thoughts.

I freshen up as best as I can without actually showering because I don’t want to waste time. My mind races over what I have in the fridge that I can take to Sawyer’s sister’s house as a gift. I have nothing sealed. I’ll get something from the convenience store downstairs.

We’ve been driving for about ten minutes when Sawyer takes his eyes off the road to look at me. Something has shifted. Now it’s no longer just Sawyer acting weird. I am, too. I’m so afraid to talk. I might say something like how hot I think he is.

“Why so quiet suddenly?” Sawyer asks lightly.

I shrug. Keep it cool. “Just excited to meet the baby.”

The ride to Sawyer’s sister’s place takes about fifteen minutes. As we leave Linksfield, the disparity becomes more and more pronounced. Sawyer must have seen the confusion on my face, because he looks over at me and says, “This is Monagan. It’s where I grew up. My sister still lives in our childhood home. Won’t leave it no matter how much Ash and I beg her.”

“You have two sisters, right? I remember from the photos at your house.”

“Yeah. The one we’re visiting today is Pippin. The other one is Faye.”

“Pippin? That’s a pretty name. Faye, too. Is Faye also going to be at dinner?”

Sawyer turns into a dirt road and we have to wait for an actual herd of cattle to cross onto the other side, where they seem to be making their way to grazing land. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a herd of cattle up close like this.

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