Page 84 of The Rest is History

“I know it’s not easy for everyone, Sawyer. I didn’t want to burden you again.”

“You said Carlson was working and you’re okay. Was that a lie too?”

She sniffs while she eats. Chewing quickly through her tears. She’s hungry. My heart cracks. I can’t stand this. This is how we were as kids. Eating too quickly. Eating too much because we didn’t know when we’ll eat again. “Don’t you ever let yourself or this baby starve ever again. Do you hear me? I don’t care if that cunt dies of starvation but if you ever call me after two fucking days of not eating, I’m going to kill Carlson and then I’m going to drag you out of here and you’ll live with me and Ash.”

She nods. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be a bother. I know things get hard with you guys too.”

“It’s never so hard that you have to fucking starve, Pippin.”

Ezra fusses but at least he’s eaten his food. I get up to soothe him, rubbing his back and rocking him in my arms. “Shh. Shhh.”

Pippin holds out her pasta. “Have some.”

“No. Eat. And make sure you finish it.”

While Pippin finishes her food outside, I go inside the cottage. Everything is clean and neat. Even as a young child, Pippin cleaned everything. She was the type who couldn’t sit down to eat unless the place was spotless.

I check the fridge and find only a bottle of water. The cupboards are bare, except for a small throw-away tub of salt and chili spice.

I rock Ezra as I inspect the place. They don’t have a TV or Wi-Fi. Carlson sold the last two TVs we bought for Pippin and the Wi-Fi signal up here is sketchy.

I flip the light switch. Nothing.

Pippin comes up behind me. Her food is finished. I watch her wash the empty container, dry it with her t-shirt and place it in the empty cupboard.

“And the electricity? I asked last month. You said Carlson will pay for it.”

She sniffs. “That’s what he told me.”

“Where the fuck is he, Pippin?”

She lifts her shoulder, trying not to let the tears fall.

“That’s it. You’re leaving this dump.” Ezra wriggles in my arms, and I bring his face close to mine, murmuring in his ear.

“I can’t live with you, Sawyer,” she rushes in. “It’s not right.”

“Do you know what Ash is going to say when I tell him about this?”

“Don’t tell him.”

“The last time Carlson ended up in the fucking hospital and Ash almost ended up in jail.”

“Which is why I don’t want him to know. I hate how bad things always happen because of me.”

“Oh, I'm going to tell him. And if you’re not going to listen to me then fucking at least listen to him,” I plead. “You can’t go on like this. You have a baby to think of now.”

“Children need their fathers, Sawyer,” she whispers.

“Children need love and care and fucking food security,” I yell. Ezra fusses, so I lower my voice, holding him close to me until he settles again. “I’m sorry, darling. Shhh.”

“I don’t want him to grow up the way we did, without parents.”

“But that’s exactly what’s happening here. Where is Carlson now? He’s not here.”

“He said he’ll go to rehab. He’ll change. He’ll stop the drugs and he’ll get a job. A proper job, and things will get better.”

Fuck. I want to whip my sister’s ass for the shit pouring out of her mouth.

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