Page 86 of The Rest is History

I have Asher. And I have Sawyer. And I have Mrs. Cameron.

I have a family again.

I touch my fingers to my lips, where Asher’s mouth was not even ten seconds ago. My breath catches in my throat sometimes when I think about the current situation, my chest closing up, my thoughts like small, nasty voices inside my head. It won’t last. It’s too good to be true. Nothing good is ever for you. Sometimes, I’m so afraid to want this because I don't know if I’ll survive if it’s taken away from me.

I move across the kitchen, touch my hands to Asher’s shoulders. He turns, and I press my face into his neck. Without words, I try to tell him how much I love him. How much it means to me that he shared the most sacred part of his life with me. What it means to me that he and Sawyer took me into their marriage and gave me a place in this most precious, secret part of themselves.

I hold my first love to me, and, knowing that I am falling in love with his husband, I try to tell him with my body that I don’t feel unwanted. Because of him and his husband, I feel like I belong somewhere.

He chuckles against my hair, and I press my lips to the warm skin at his neck.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

I lift my face from his neck, reaching up to touch his lips with my fingers. His eyes show me what I desperately want to see – that he wants me here. He wants me here with his husband. I can stay and love them and be loved by them. Because here, I’m wanted. I’m wanted just for me.

And everything is okay. All the years spent away from Asher, away from his mother – It’s all over now. And I’m falling in love with Sawyer. He’s becoming as much mine as he is Asher’s. And they know about Abby. Everything is okay.

Asher gave me more. So much more. He gave me more even when I didn’t ask. When I didn’t know that I could ask. They gave me what I didn’t even know I wanted.

He holds me in his arms, pressing his lips to my hair, my forehead, my cheekbone. I don’t know a time before this – even when we were together before – when I felt this safe. I can’t remember feeling so engulfed by someone’s love.

“Sawyer will be home just now. He’s on his way.” His words send both heat and shivers through my body, and also a warmth in my chest not related to my sexual response.

“Thank you,” I repeat.

“For what, Reece?” he asks softly. “For loving you?”

“Yes.” I bring his face down to mine, resting my forehead against his, remembering my first kiss with Sawyer. And I kiss Asher now. Not a lustful kiss. A kiss filled with gratitude. Asher gave me my first kiss with a man who was not him. He was my first, and my second with a man was at his behest.

A hundred lifetimes would not be enough to express the joy and peace they have given me.

“How is this possible, Ash? That I get to be a part of your life again? That I got to meet Sawyer and he – he—?”

“That he chose you?”

My breath catches on his words. “Chose me.” I taste them on my lips, my voice breaking with its impact. “Chose me.”

“Yes, Reece. Sawyer chose you. He chose you the moment he saw you. It just took him a little while to realize it. But you chose him too, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” I admit. “From the very first moment I saw him. But I refused – I couldn’t—”

I take his face between my palms. This is Asher. My Asher. Now our Asher – mine and Sawyer’s. “You have always brought me such happiness. What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“You were just you, sweetheart. It’s all you ever needed to do.”

“Still? Even now?”

He lifts his hands to my face, cupping my cheeks between them. He holds me the way I’m holding him. “Still. Even now.”

“All I ever wanted was to be yours, Ash. To deserve your love and be enough for you. To never be too much for you. And to love you. Just to love you.”

“You are deserving, baby. And you are never too much and even if that were true, there would be nothing wrong with it. Too much of you can never be a bad thing.”

“I missed you every day. After a while, I had Julie, but I never got over losing you. And I hated myself for thinking about you when I was married to someone else. And then you got married, and I didn’t know what to do. How to feel. And then, I thought it’s a good thing. I had Julie and you had Sawyer.”

“And now you have Sawyer. And me.” He rubs my bottom lip with his thumb. “My husband is falling in love with you, and I never fell out of love with you,” he says softly.

My tongue comes out to lick the pad of his thumb. It’s impossible to separate the intimacy of his words from the lust it invokes inside me. “I’m falling in love with him too, Ash.” I say against his lips. “And I never stopped loving you.”

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