Page 42 of Seeking Her Studs

Lacey turns the picture over, looking for any more information, but nothing is written on it.

“Well, she gave me all her money, likely because she knew I needed it,” she says, handing the picture back to me. “So…”

“So I need an old camper van with a mysterious quest to fix it up?” I laugh as I open up another envelope of photos.

Lacey shakes her head. “Maybe she thought you needed a tether. Something to remind you of your roots.” She takes a deep breath and leans back. “Or she really wanted you to end up with one of the Rile brothers. She really had a soft spot for them.”

I sigh. “No pressure, just our grandmother’s dying wish.”

Lacey laughs. “Well, you’ll know when you finish it up. Who knows, maybe she just wanted to mess with you.”

We sit in silence for a few moments, sifting through the papers. I want to talk more about the Rile brothers, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to. I feel like I’ve only talked about myself with her since I’ve been back.

“Are you happy, Lace? I know you don’t mind working at the diner, but is there anything else you want? Anything I can help you with?” I offer.

She looks at me for a long moment until I start to get uncomfortable in the silence.

“I don’t know how to say this, B, but,” she takes a long breath. “You always assume that other people have it worse off than you. Sure, you’ve got all the money in the world, but did you ever stop to think that maybe it’s me who could do something for you?”

I open my mouth to defend myself, but I don’t know what to say.

“I am happy. I have a good group of friends. I have real love with Johnny, who I’m going to marry the second he graduates from law school. I’ve got a purpose in life with my diner. And most importantly, I’ve got no big regrets.” She takes a deep breath. “Listen, I’m not trying to offend you, but I’m just wondering if you can say the same? To any of it?”

I fidget with Gram’s charm around my neck nervously.

No.

I can’t say the same to any of it.

“You know why I really think Gram wanted you back here?” She continues, her voice shaking with emotion. “She thought you needed a good humbling. Happy people don’t just disappear and barely contact the people who love them. Because who can be happy with themselves after doing that?”

Tears brim in my eyes because she’s right. And the shame that’s been locked inside me, slowly eating its way through my psyche, comes bubbling up in thick acid in my throat.

“Lacey, you have to understand,” I start, my voice is thick with emotion now. “I was so angry.” I wipe tears away. “My mom-”

“You don’t think I went through shit with my mom?” She says. “Both of our moms somewhere along the line got real messed up. But that doesn’t mean we have to be.”

Tears are streaming down my face now in a steady rhythm. Lacey wipes away her own tears.

I think that she’s going to get up and leave, but instead she pulls me in close. “Oh, come here. I’m sorry.” She says, a shuddering cry breaking through both of us. “That was really harsh. I just missed you. And I didn’t understand why you just disappeared. And I’m a little mad too.”

I pull her tight. “You’re right.” I inhale through my mouth, my nose thick with snot. “Everything you’re saying is right. I came here because I was so damn unhappy in my life. I drowned myself with work the last five years, so I didn’t have to face myself. Because I have nobody to blame but myself.”

We’re silent for a moment as Lacey rubs my back, comforting the slight sobs that still wrack me.

“You know the good thing about that, though?” She says, still holding me close.

“No,” I laugh through my tears.

“You’ll also be able to thank yourself when you make your life something you’re proud of. I know you can do it, Blaire. And I’m here for you when you don’t think you can.”

The dread that was hanging over me lifts enough for me to take a long steadying breath. Lacey’s words give me hope. She still believes I can make a good life for myself. That I’m not a lost cause.

“Lacey,” I say with a snotty nose. My head is still burrowed into her shoulder.

“Yes, B?” she says, still stroking my back.

“I think I’m in love with the Rile brothers. Like not one, but all three of them.”

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