Page 51 of Seeking Her Studs

Some moments in life, you know you’ll remember forever as they’re happening. Most of mine are filled with bright lights and adrenaline. They’ve been loud and obvious and usually in front of a crowd.

But this moment is different. It’s soft and quiet. My body feels more relaxed than I can ever remember it being. I’m curled up in an armchair as red morning light creeps into our dark room. After eating last night, we piled all their old camping mattresses in the living room in front of the fire and laid here, learning how to be comfortable in our new normal until we were so comfortable that we fell asleep.

The embers in the fire are still glowing and emitting a low, crackling heat. In my hazy sleep, I would hear one of them get up to add a log, and a few minutes later I’d drift back into a dream with the warmth radiating over me as the log caught fire.

Their long bodies are stretched out, naked except for the wool blankets strewn over them haphazardly. I take in every detail. I’m in awe of the way they take up room in this world with such force and strength, yet can also be so soft and caring.

They’re the Rile brothers. And they’re also my Mountain Studs. It all makes perfect sense. It’s always been them. And if I’m really damn lucky, then it will always be them.

I flip through an old recipe book I found in their kitchen. My heart hurts for them as I see the handwritten notes from their mom. I read one note, in an excited scribble.

Colt loved this one! Asked for three more helpings!

The note is next to a recipe for blueberry pancakes. I grin, thinking back to that first breakfast in the garden and how the blueberry pancakes were piled high in the middle of the table. They’re still managing to give Kaylee the same experiences they had.

A tear slides down my face for them. I haven’t let myself feel this intense awe I have for them because I was so afraid to feel anything for them at all. But now it rips through me. These three men are so special and I just want to make their lives better in any way I can.

An acute awareness washes over me at how much I don’t pull my weight around here. Not in regard to sex. In that way, hell, I pull my weight and then some. I proudly give myself a little pat on the back as I feel the delicious soreness in my body. There are many things to be proud of in my life, but making the three of them all come in one night is a big task for a small woman like myself. And I would gladly do it again. In fact, maybe if I wake them up…

Focus, Blaire. That is not the kind of weight I need to pull right now. I’ve been ogling them, as they do everything around here. Chop the wood, light the fire, cook the food, clean the dishes. I offer to help but they just kind of smirk deliciously at me because they know it’s a superficial offer. I’m not good at any single one of those things and they know it.

But I stare at the page in front of me detailing how many berries the boys picked when they were little because they wanted more chokeberry jam. I can pick berries. That is something I can actually do. And according to their mom, this is the perfect time in late August to pick them.

I quietly ruffle through my bag and pull on leggings and a thick, cotton, long-sleeve shirt I got on my shopping trip with Briggs. It’s cooler here than I anticipated, so I grab one of Reese’s thick wool shirts and savor the smell that wraps around me. It’s intoxicating to be surrounded by them in every single way, their clothes, their memories, even the reminders of them in the way my body feels. I’ve never had so much of another person and yet still wanted more. And now multiply that by three.

It makes me want to give them the world. But when I think about all the normal things people have wanted from me: money, fame, power. None of it applies. They don’t give a damn about that.

So today, I’ll start with berries.

CHAPTER THIRTY

Reese

“Do we think this is some kind of breakdown after last night, or she just really likes chokeberries?” I say as I load up four mugs full of hot coffee.

We’ve been watching Blaire for the past twenty minutes with fascination. She’s already filled two big tupperwares full of them, yet she keeps going with a frankly unnerving look of determination on her face as she only stops to slap a mosquito off of her. Sunny stands dutifully by her feet, snapping her jaw at the bugs flying around her.

“It’s adorable,” Colt grumbles next to me.

“I feel like Wildflowers by Tom Petty should be playing,” Briggs adds from my other side. “She looks so relaxed in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her.”

I’m surprised at the smile that breaks me open before I even realize what’s happening.

Damn. This is happiness.

We’ve been dreading coming back to this cabin for so long, not wanting to face this place without our parents. But now this place will forever be the place that we made it work. The four of us have finally come together in our own weird and deliriously incredible way.

As long as she’s not actually having a chokeberry-induced breakdown and second-guessing everything that’s led her to this point.

I swing open the heavy wooden door and make my way out with a cup of coffee for her.

She turns around at the sound and watches as the three of us approach her. Her smile beams and damn if it’s not the most beautiful sight I’ve ever witnessed. Briggs is right. She looks so relaxed out here in the middle of nowhere without another soul besides us to be found. It hits me how hard her life is to navigate. She’s rarely allowed to just be. An insane urge opens inside me to stay here forever with her. I’d become a recluse if it meant being one with her.

I hand her the cup of coffee, and she brings it to her lips. She closes her eyes to savor her first sip while I savor her.

“Good morning,” she says with a soft smile as she pulls the mug tight in against her chest.

“Good morning,” I bend down to kiss her forehead. “We missed you when we woke up.” I pull back and glance at the deep purple berries overflowing on the ground next to her.

---