Page 83 of Sloane

Glancing inside I saw dozens of pink envelopes and thought back to how excited I would get to receive her letters. Now they seemed to be mocking me. The bright color signifying a life no longer available to me.

I know Lina was surprised at my lack of enthusiasm, but what would be the point in reading the letters inside? The man Ashley had been writing to was gone.

Still, it would be nice to smell her one more time.

With trepidation, I plucked out the envelope on the end and brought it to my nose, prepared to be taken back to when I held her in my arms.

Instead, I smelled… nothing. Not even a faint odor of her perfume.

What the hell?

Had I grabbed one from the wrong end? Flipping it over, I looked at the date written in the corner. It said ‘January 5th’. I then pulled one from the other end. It read ‘November 30th.’

November thirtieth. Her birthday.

I hoped she got the roses I sent. And the coffee maker.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I held the envelope in my teeth while slipping my right index finger under the flap and ripping it open.

Her perfect penmanship leapt off the page, and I was taken back to happier times.

Dear Sloane,

I’m praying this letter finds you safe and comfortable.

I couldn’t help but smile at the familiar opening sentence.

Thank you so much for the roses! They are so beautiful and smell amazing! You made me feel so special, remembering my birthday.

Like I’d fucking forget her birthday.

And are you serious with the amazing coffee maker?!? I love it so much! I’m going to save so much time and money not stopping at Starbucks every morning. Thank you, thank you, thank you! (I can’t wait to show you in person how grateful I am.)

She included a winking face.

Despair washed over me at the realization I’d never hold her again. Frankly, I wasn’t worthy of having her in my arms. She deserved a man far better than me.

I folded the pages as best I could and tossed them back into the box without reading the rest. I didn’t need to torture myself anymore.

Lina walked in holding a syringe, and I gestured to the box. “Could you put that somewhere?”

“Sure. Just let me administer your pain meds first.”

I felt the morphine’s effects as it dulled the pain in my limbs. Maybe the drug could ease the ache of the giant hole in my heart.

Food service arrived before Lina left. They were feeding me six times a day, citing my body needed a large amount of calories because it was working so hard to heal.

“I’ve got pizza,” the young dietary aide announced as he wiped down the table Lina had just removed the box of letters from.

“Great,” I said flatly.

He took the lid off the tray and slid it in front of me. The food actually looked good, but I realized I couldn’t smell it. Just like I couldn’t smell Ashley’s perfume on her letters.

I looked over at Lina holding the box.

“Is it normal that I can’t smell anything?”

Her eyebrows went up, and she nodded toward the food. “You can’t smell that?”

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