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“No, she didn’t come visit. She called. Luckily, I wasn’t in my room, and the nurse came looking for me to tell me I had a phone call from Ashley Youngman.”

“So, what did you say to her?” Craig asked.

“I had the nurse tell her I wasn’t allowed to have phone calls.”

Ryan shook his head in disgust.

“You’re such an idiot. Why would you do that?”

Because I knew if I heard her voice again, the regret I’d been trying to bury would surface again. I had so many feelings when it came to her: regret, guilt, sorrow. I was in no condition to face them.

“What would be the point? I was really hoping she’d have moved on by now. She deserves someone way better than me.”

“For once, I don’t disagree with you.”

Ouch.

The truth hurt.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Ashley

I gathered up all the courage I could and made that phone call to Sloane.

He had a right to know he was going to have a daughter.

As I waited for him to come on the line, I was almost able to convince myself he’d hear my voice and instantly regret how he’d treated me. That he’d beg for forgiveness, and we’d raise Peanut together as a family.

Then the nurse came back with some lame story about him not being allowed to receive phone calls, and I was too embarrassed to argue. Instead, I just thanked her as the tears once again rolled down my cheeks.

I was never watching another fucking Hallmark movie again.

I’ll admit, my pride and my heart took another hit, and I almost said, “Screw it. You had your chance, buddy.”

But more important than my pride or Sloane having a right to know about his daughter, my little girl deserved to know her dad. I needed to at least make another attempt to contact him.

So, I reverted back to my trusted method of pen and paper. Only this time I wrote it on plain white copy paper, then put it in a plain envelope. I did put my return address on it, though. I wasn’t going to trick him into reading what I had to say. If he sent this letter back, I’d be able to say in good conscience that I tried.

Tammy noticed the envelope sitting on my counter when she brought over dinner that night.

“I thought you were going to call him?”

I gave her a weak smile. “He wouldn’t come to the phone.”

“He’s such an asshole,” my BFF scoffed.

I shrugged. It wasn’t like I could defend him. But there had been a time when he hadn’t been an asshole and had been quite wonderful. Sometimes that was harder to forget.

“You’re a better woman than I am,” she said as she opened up my refrigerator and took out a can of Sprite. “I’d say fuck him; he doesn’t deserve to know that baby girl.”

“Maybe not. But this way, it’s on him. I can say I did what I could to let him know about her.”

“I’d send that certified mail if I were you. That way he can’t come back five years from now and say you never told him, then try to fight you for custody.”

I hated that it’d come to this, but I knew she was right. There was no way I was going to risk losing my child, now or in the future.

Chapter Thirty-Six

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