Page 38 of August

“Well, I told him I’d give him space, so I guess that’s the opposite of what I should have done.”

Ivy groaned. “You guys are a hot mess. Listen, by the sounds of it he wants anything but space. His confession about the thought of you keeping him alive while he was in South America was a huge step. I think you need to try to reach him more. Bare your feelings.”

Gigi closed her eyes. Ivy was probably right. “I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Confused. Lonely... scared.”

“So tell him that. Locking yourself in a room is only going to push him further away. And don’t worry about him finding a replacement. I’ll make sure Rami doesn’t allow any of the guys to fill in for him.”

Gigi chortled. “You wouldn’t.”

“Damn right I would. August doesn’t know what’s good for him. You two need to figure this out. You’ve been given the gift of time and forced proximity—use it.”

Gigi sighed and cast a glance at the closed door. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” she mumbled.

***

August fumed as he closed his laptop and pushed the device a few inches away on the kitchen island. There wasn’t much to do. He’d already put in a grocery order, which would arrive in the morning, and he’d texted Rami about finding a replacement.

Gigi had asked him not to leave, but he couldn’t stay. He could sign up for only so much self-torture. With any luck, someone would be able to switch with him overnight while Gigi slept and he wouldn’t have to say goodbye.

Coward.

Jesus. When had he gotten like this? Before his mission, he didn’t get so bent out of shape about women. Well, more accurately, before Gigi.

Part of him wanted to barge into her bedroom, tell her he was an idiot, and just let himself fucking love her.

He rubbed his forehead. How romantic.

Physically, she wanted him. Someone who was blind could see that. But what about the rest? He didn’t just want sex. That was the bitch of it. With any other woman he’d be fine with simply getting in the sheets then walking away.

But with Gigi? Hell, he didn’t want to get in the sheets with her for fear she would walk away. It was backward. Everything.

What kind of future could they have together, though? His job was less dangerous and demanding than black ops but carried risks nonetheless. Some jobs would require him to leave the country, especially at the rate Backcountry Protection Services was growing. If he did leave the country, would she find someone else again?

Maybe he was being too harsh. Sitting on the past when all that shit could be buried. If he’d just let bygones be bygones, he could be with her right now. Caressing her body, kissing her fuckable mouth, making her come over and over...

Christ.

His attraction to Gigi was unnatural, almost. It couldn’t be fucking normal for anyone to be this out of their mind with lust. But it wasn’t just lust. He wanted to hold her while she slept, joke with her, watch her make magic in the kitchen.

He had to be realistic, though. He and Gigi might never have a future outside the bedroom.

The question was, could he live with that?

No. It wasn’t even a question. He wanted all or nothing.

***

Three hours went by and all Gigi did was toss and turn in bed. Her sister’s words circled through her mind like a drunken monkey on a merry-go-round.

And the more she thought about it, the more she had to admit Ivy was right. She hadn’t been open with August. She hadn’t let him through her walls. And after all that had happened two years ago, she couldn’t blame him for keeping her at arm’s length. Or trying to, anyway.

She wasn’t great at talking about emotions. When she did, she sounded stupid. Or needy. Probably because she couldn’t think past her thundering heart.

But she could tell him—show him—that she wanted him physically. The rest would come.

The clock on the nightstand read 10:19 p.m. An hour ago, the living room lights had gone out, so she assumed August was in his bedroom. She peeled back the covers and set her feet on the smooth hardwood.

She swallowed the anxiety that told her to get back in bed and not do anything she’d regret. But if she did nothing, she’d regret that, too.

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