Page 25 of Vows In Corruption

For the remainder of my bus rides, three in total, I drink my coffee and do something that I haven’t done in a long while. Let my mind wander to all the doors that this new job can open.

I don’t usually let myself hope for things, because life is cruel and can take everything away in a split second, but with this job, I can let myself hope. Even if it’s a little bit.

With this paycheck, not only would rent and food and Charlie’s school be taken care of, but with extra money under my name, I will be able to pay off my debt a lot quicker.

That thought causes a lump of emotions to form in my throat. And not the good kind of emotions either.

My debt isn’t the normal type of debt that people my age get into. There is no credit card or school debt. Which is thank you to the four jobs I worked during all my years of higher education. I pat myself on the back more often than not for that choice. Because no matter how tiring it was or or the fact that I lost myself for a few years, working all those jobs was a blessing in disguise. If I hadn’t done what I did, I have no idea how I would be able to make it every single month with the added expense of students loans.

No, my debt isn’t the normal kind. Mine is tied to my sister and if I don’t pay it off, I will lose her and she will be right back living a life that she doesn’t deserve, with people that don’t love her and only want to use her for their personal gain. I’ll be damn if I ever let that happen.

My mind drifts to dark place. One where Charlie is crying in a corner, screaming and a figure looming over her.

Never. She will never go through anything that traumatic.

When the bus driver announces the next stop, I push all the dark thoughts and the lump forming in my throat down and try to compose myself as best as possibly can.

Get back to that excitement bubble you were in earlier. Don’t let the darkness overcome you.

I can do that.

After a few deep breaths, I’m close to being back in the head space I was in when I left the apartment. Not one hundred percent there, but close enough that I can put a smile on my face and actually mean it.

When the bus comes to a full stop, I’m in a better mental state and it gets slightly better the closer I walk myself over to the Lane building in downtown Chicago.

By the time I arrive I feel like I did when I woke up this morning. So much excitement rolling thought my body that I take a second to take it all in and not burst into the building like a ball of energy ready to take the corporate world by storm.

This was actually happening.

Sure, it’s just an assistant position, something that anyone could do, but it’s a step in a good direction. An amazing direction. A direction that I know for a fact that so many of my classmates would kill for. I may have been a part of an online program, but it was still a known fact that as soon as graduation came and went, the majority of people were going to be applying for any job they could get at this company.

Makes me wonder just how many people in my class I beat out for this position. Surly there was someone that was more qualified for this job than I was.

Who cares? I got the job not them.

That the mindset I try to stay in but the more I look up at the building and take it all in, the more I feel the nerves come up to the surface. The more I think about walking into the building and start my first day, the more I feel like puking in the flower pots that sit by the doors.

You got this. You will not puke in the flower pots.

“You got this.”

I got this. I really, truly do. I just need to move my feet and walk into the building.

My mind may be ready for this new adventure but apparently my body is not.

“Just start walking. One foot in front of the other and you will be inside the building.”

“Never heard anyone giving themselves a pep talk to walk into a building before.” A deep voice says from somewhere next to me, startling me in the process and causing me to not only jump but to also let out a yelp.

With my heart beating a million beats a minute, I turn towards the voice and for a second, I loose all train of thought.

Standing not even three feet away from me, close enough to touch, is one of the most gorgeous man that I have ever seen. A gorgeous man that I spent more time that I care to admit looking at through pictures online.

Bennett Lane. The very man that I had a dream about.

His dark brown hair is perfectly styled.

His eyes that look like they would look blue in some lights and possibly a version of green in others.

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