Page 53 of Killian's Vengeance

He walked out from behind the bar, shooting me another self-deprecating grin. “Don’t sound too excited, or anything.”

Was he for real? Like I had the energy or emotional capacity to give a shit about his feelings right now. Or ever.

“Thanks,” I murmured.

“No problem. No problem at all,” he said, and escorted me out the door.

Chapter 22

Killian

Iwatched Willa storm towards the club, half following her down the hallway, my insides feeling shredded. I couldn’t let her leave. I wasn’t sure what I wanted with Willa, but watching her walk away made me realize I definitely wanted something.

My instincts urged me to follow her and force her to listen to reason, to calm the fuck down, but she was out of her mind with grief and confusion. I knew Cullen hadn’t killed her sister. He didn’t lie.

Unable to control my frustration and distress, I turned and punched my fist through the drywall. “Fuck!” I roared, barely feeling it. The fiery ache in my chest was what dominated my senses, blotting out all other sensations.

“Let her go, Kill. I say good fucking riddance,” Cullen snapped from inside our security office doorway.

I turned and pinned him with a hard look. Although I knew he was innocent of killing Lily, that doesn’t mean he hadn’t been a fucking prick. “Fuck you, Cullen. I don’t want to let her go.”

He frowned, as if he hadn’t considered the extent of my attachment to her. “She’s a bitch, Kill, just like her sister. You saw her just fly off the fucking handle.”

He sat down behind the desk we shared, as if using it as a barrier from my words. I looked at him, stunned at the extent of his anger, his unresolved grief. He was really using Willa as a stand in for all of his pain, even though he knew she was innocent of anything.

“Bro, you’re full of shit and you know it. She didn’t do jack shit to you. You’re acting like a fucking baby. Deal with your shit about Mac’s death and stop taking it out on Willa. She doesn’t fucking deserve it.”

He swallowed hard, but he wasn’t going down without a fight. His eyebrows were still just as pinched, his arms still folded defensively over his chest. “So…what? Are you in fucking love with this chick now? Are you going to fucking marry her? After what her sister did to Mac? I can’t look at her and not see Lily. That fucking whore ruined our lives!”

I jerked my head back. “Mac, what the fuck? Willa is not her sister. What the hell is all this about? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

I looked at him more closely and my jaw dropped as comprehension dawned. What had for so long looked like anger and grief and pain was now revealed to me for what it was.

Guilt.

He felt guilty about something and he was using Willa as an emotional punching bag, deflecting everything to her.

“What the fuck did you do, Cullen? I know you didn’t kill Lily, so what was it?”

Cullen’s lips pressed together and for the first time turmoil and despair entered his eyes, making those cold, blue irises gleam with distress instead of their usual remote stoicism or blazing anger. “I fucked up, Kill,” he muttered.

I leaned over his desk, my hands planted on the desktop and stared at him, my anxiety climbing. “What did you do?”

“Mac and I met Lily at the same time. I didn’t know she was targeting Mac, so I hit on her, but she turned me down flat and went for Mac. I was pissed and jealous and competitive. My stupid fucking ego didn’t like that she chose Mac over me. I couldn’t understand it. After they dated a few times and he started spending so much money on her, I figured out that she was a fucking grifter. And I felt relieved—relieved—like a childish asshole. Because if she was only after Mac for his money, then my precious, fragile as fuck ego stayed intact.” He rubbed his hand down his tired face, looking like he’d aged ten years.

“I figured he’d have fun with her, drop a lot of cash on her, buy her a bunch of shit and she’d dump him. I didn’t know…I never imagined she’d have him killed. Fuck, Kill. I never warned him, I didn’t protect him. I’d protected that kid his whole life. We protected him.”

I nodded. He was right, we had protected Mac his whole life. From other kids, who’d have teased and bullied him in school, to his own family.

“But when he really needed me to step in, I hung him out to dry,” he finished grittily, like guilt was a vice squeezing his vocal cords.

I shook my head. “No way, Cull. Don’t fucking do this to yourself. Even if you’d looked into Lily, you would have found exactly what you assumed. A fucking con artist. She’d never killed anyone before, you couldn’t have anticipated what would happen to Mac.”

Cullen tipped his head back against the cushioned chair and blew out a breath. “It’s easy to say that, but maybe, maybe I would have seen something. Some kind of red flag that would have made me act, made me confront Mac about who she really was or confront her about the game she was playing.”

“Maybe, but maybe not. What the fuck good does it do to sit around and torture yourself? Maybe you would have found something, but maybe you wouldn't have. You’ll never fucking know. Mac is gone, but you didn’t fucking kill him. You also didn’t kill Lily, but someone fucking did, and I need to find out right goddamned now so I can sort this shit out with Willa. Are you going to sit on your ass and bitch about shit you can’t change and may not have been able to avoid, or are you going to fucking help me?”

Cullen grudgingly nodded his head. “I’ll help.”

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