Ben grabbed his leather jacket from the front closet and then stalked toward Gavin in the living room. He had an odd look on his face, as if he were about to get away with something he shouldn’t. “Back in twenty, baby.” He leaned close and planted a light, tender kiss on Gavin’s lips, the innocent kind he would have given Gavin on any street corner or in front of his own family.
Goddamn him. It was nice too. A painful reminder of how good they could be together.
Gavin could almost forget the last week—the last few months, really—and let himself get lost in Ben again, but Tina was there. He didn’t let the kiss deepen or go any further. Gavin pulled back and caught Ben’s eye. “Take your time.”
Ben surprised him then. He glanced at Tina and asked, “Can I get ya anything while I’m out? Soda or something?”
“Um,” she said, taking a breath as if talking directly to Ben was too hard, too scary. “I’m good, thanks.”
Gavin watched Ben leave. He had a knot in his throat and a tangle of emotions he couldn’t deal with at the moment. When the door fell shut, he turned his attention back to his sister. She was looking around the room as if she wanted to be anywhere other than where she was.
Gavin cleared his throat. “Sorry about that.” Okay, why he was sorry, he had no idea. He’d never wanted to hide his feelings for Ben before, or their affection. “Ben’s actually a giant teddy bear once you get to know him. He’s just really protective of me and…” Huh. That sweet little truth warmed something up in Gavin, as if he’d needed the reminder.
“It’s okay,” she said too quickly. “I didn’t mean to be… rude or… I’ve just never been around any gay people before and… Well, except for you, but I didn’t even know that you were or… what it was then and…” She probably still didn’t know what it was, not really. Tina looked like she might burst into tears any second.
“Don’t worry about it, sweets.” Gavin sat next to her on the sofa. He reached out and picked up her hand, hoping to still her restless fidgeting. “Wanna tell me what’s going on? Or what you’ve been up to for the last five or so years?” Things were awkward between them. Reunions usually are, right? But he couldn’t take his eyes off her. He’d missed her so damn much—missed all of his brothers and sisters—and having her with him now felt like a missing puzzle piece had dropped back into place in his life.
With a shrug, her face crimson, Tina let out a shuddering breath. “I met this boy at Bible study and…” She stared at her lap as if she couldn’t face Gavin. “We… I knew I shouldn’t, but we snuck out a few times to meet. Well, a lot, actually. And…” She finally looked at Gavin, but her eyes were full of shame and regret. “At first we just talked a lot and… held hands and… we kissed a few times.” Sobbing. She was actually sobbing.
Gavin put his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head like he did when she was a kid and had skinned her knee. “It’s okay, hon. I’m familiar with the routine.” He had a dark, unwanted thought. “Did he… force you to do anything, or…?”
Tina lifted her head, looking confused for a moment, and then her eyes widened. “No. No. Nothing like that. I mean. I almost wish he had, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe I wouldn’t be…”
How fucked-up were their parents? Their daughter thought she’d be better off if she’d been raped, rather than having normal, consensual teenage sex. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Gavin knew his words wouldn’t mean much to her, but he had to try. His heart ached for her. “Did they kick you out?”
Tina nodded against his chest, having leaned into him when Gavin tightened his hold on her. She lifted her head and looked at him again with that same shame all over her face. “I mean, not exactly? But kind of.”
“Could you expand on that?”
“I… I’m pregnant and when Dad found out, he talked to Brian’s parents and told them we had to get married and Brian lied and said it wasn’t him and we never did anything and the baby isn’t his and…” She trailed off again as if the rapid-fire admission had been too much for her. Gavin waited, petting her long blonde hair, wishing he had more comfort to offer her. “I think Dad believed him. He said a bunch of stuff and told me I was going to give the baby to some couple at church and never tell anyone else and never see the baby or even hold it. So I just… left.”
Gavin let her words sink in. After all these years, he really didn’t think he could be surprised by his parents anymore. He had thought kicking him out would’ve been the worst thing they’d ever do. But this? So much worse. So much more cruel. Twenty-first century and no one even considered the idea of abortion? Or letting her keep it? Or even letting her make her own decision? He tried to wrap his head around everything that had happened since he got out of bed that morning. This had been the weirdest day of his life. “How far along?”
She unzipped her jacket and pulled her thin shirt tight across her middle.
Gavin stared at her swollen tummy for a beat. “I’m no expert, but I’m guessing that’s not a beer belly.”
She shook her head and sniffled again. “At least four months, maybe longer.”
Tina. And a baby. He couldn’t even process it all, couldn’t let himself enjoy seeing her again or enjoy the idea of having a family of his own again. His world narrowed into nothing for a moment. “Jesus.”
His sister’s eyes widened, and she glanced around nervously as if expecting the boogeyman—or their father—to jump from the closet.
Gavin almost laughed. “You’ll hear a lot worse around here.”
Chapter Nine
Ben
Ben rushed through his errand as quickly as possible. Maybe Gavin really did need a few minutes alone with his sister, but Ben didn’t like it. He’d already run through a long list of how horribly this could go. Maybe Tina was there to try and get Gavin to come back? Maybe she’d run away, and they’d come looking for her, find her there, torment Gavin even more. Maybe she was just feeling a little rebellious and would get Gavin’s hopes up and then walk away from him. Ben didn’t know what the hell was going on, and that bothered him most of all. Those people had fucked Gavin up in so many ways, he probably couldn’t name them all.
On his way back to their apartment, Ben tried to remind himself that little Tina with her scared, sorrowful eyes and a head full of bullshit was just as much a victim as Gavin. But Ben still wanted to keep him as far out of their reach as he could.
He didn’t have a problem with religion, any of them. Some of his best friends, even his own mother, had strong spiritual beliefs. Ben knew deep down that it was only the odd few—the Quiverfull baby farmers and the Westboro Baptist types—that gave the rest a bad name. He hoped all the extremists were in the minority, but far too often those minorities were the ones picking on his minority.
Gavin wasn’t the only person he knew who had been victimized by antigay fuckery. He wasn’t even the worst-case scenario. But Gavin was the one he cared about the most, so Ben wanted to keep him clear of it all. He’d wanted to protect Gavin from the world the first time he laid eyes on him, and this was no different.
He took the last two steps to his front door and paused, listening from outside. He didn’t hear much, maybe a laugh or two and some quiet voices. When he finally went in, Gavin and Tina were sitting together at the table. Tina had a plate of food in front of her, and she was eating as if it were her first meal in days.