Page 130 of All The Things: The Last Thing He Needs Omnibus

Ben blinked at him. He looked like he was trying to decide if it was a stupid idea or not. “Okay. So… you’re sticking around, but only until we get your sister off our couch?”

“I didn’t say that. I just…” Just what? Gavin felt like he’d been split into a thousand pieces, each one wanting something different. “Can we just get some sleep and talk about it in the morning?”

“We’ve got company,” Ben said gruffly as he reached for the lamp on his nightstand. “I doubt we’ll get much time to talk tomorrow.”

That’s the point. “We’ll find time.” As the light blinked off and plunged them into inky darkness, he added, “I need to get over to Tony’s so I can pick up my car tomorrow.” Gavin tried to decide if it would be better to have Tony pick him and Tina up so he could get it, or leave Tina on her own and have Ben drop him off at Tony’s.

“Can do.”

Gavin could feel Ben stretch out next to him, moving his pillows around and finally seeming to relax into a comfortable position. Gavin shifted, his pajama bottoms getting tangled and riding up. He hated wearing clothes to bed.

They were both quiet for a long moment, and Gavin thought he might actually get his way. He thought the conversation could be put off another day. He hoped the arguments were over, for now at least, and he could lie next to Ben and gather his thoughts.

He should’ve known better.

“You awake?” Ben whispered, turning onto his side to face Gavin.

He considered pretending to be asleep already, and maybe he should have just to simplify things. But this had been a very complicated day, so why start with simple now? Gavin turned his head in Ben’s direction. He could barely make out Ben’s features in the dim light that broke in around the edges of the curtains. “Yeah.”

Ben inched closer but didn’t touch Gavin. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“For which part?”

Near silence. Ben breathing. The clock on the nightstand ticking—that had taken Gavin months to get used to, but Ben couldn’t sleep without its constant rhythm. Finally, Ben’s deep whisper sounded close to Gavin’s ear. “I’d say all of it, but I can’t apologize for wanting what’s best for you.”

Here we go.

“I’m sure I’ve said this a few times today, but I’d really like to be the one who gets to decide what’s best for me.” Keeping his voice down was a challenge, but Gavin managed it. Barely.

Ben slid his foot across the space between them and touched it to Gavin’s. “Gav, I… You know I suck at this. You know how hard it is for me to put everything into words sometimes. Just…” He laughed softly, a sound that made Gavin smile despite himself. “Listen to what I mean, not what I say.”

Easier said than done. “I try, but, damn, Ben. You don’t make it easy for me.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I just… Christ, I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy. Or, ya know, was, anyway.”

Ben was silent again, only the soft sound of his breathing coming from his side of the bed. Gavin shifted his feet closer and pressed them between Ben’s, the closest he could come to a peace offering.

“The idea of you hitting thirty or forty and having regrets because you didn’t get to… I don’t know, sow your wild oats or whatever, it scares the hell outta me. I don’t wanna be the reason you’re unhappy down the road.”

Gavin nearly told Ben the only reason he’d be unhappy was if he didn’t have Ben with him down the road, but maybe that wasn’t true. Maybe they could be together and be miserable. The entire day had proven that. He turned onto his back and said, “You wanna know what would make me happy?” His words might have sounded harsh, but Gavin kept his tone soft, whispering into the darkness.

Ben didn’t say anything, but he did reach for Gavin. He placed a tentative hand on Gavin’s stomach and stroked his calloused thumb over his skin. The sensation sent a warm rush through Gavin, and he had a hard time remembering what he was going to say.

“I’d be happy if you’d take me seriously.” Gavin paused, shifting under Ben’s touch. Part of him wanted to push Ben’s hand away, and the other part of him wanted to rock his hips and press closer to Ben’s body. “I’d be happy if you could remember that I have a brain and… Maybe you don’t always agree with me, but my ideas and my dreams for me are just as valid—more valid—than yours sometimes, okay?” Even through the thin flannel of his pajama bottoms, Gavin could feel the heat radiating off Ben’s naked body. When Ben slid his hand farther around his waist and pulled Gavin closer, until they were flush against each other, Gavin couldn’t help a small gasp.

“I’ll try,” Ben whispered. He brushed his lips against Gavin’s ear with the words, then rubbed his stubbled chin against Gavin’s smooth cheek. “I do take you seriously, Gav. You’re my whole world, my whole heart.” Ben ground his hips against Gavin, his growing erection obvious against Gavin’s thigh. “Deciding to let you go so you could find yourself was the hardest thing I ever tried to do.”

Goose bumps prickled Gavin’s skin as Ben spoke. His heart beat harder in his chest. “And the dumbest.”

Ben’s soft laugh was soundless, a simple rush of air against Gavin’s hair. “Probably.”

Gavin wasn’t sure he wanted this. Well, his dick certainly did. When Ben caught Gavin’s ear in his teeth and then traced it with his tongue, his cock stood up and took notice. But they had so much to talk about, so much to go over. Falling into their safe routine of tender words and hard sex seemed like a bad idea. “I dropped out of school two weeks ago,” Gavin blurted out.

Inhale. Exhale. Ben didn’t say anything at first. He didn’t let go either, so Gavin thought that was a good sign.

“When had you planned to tell me that?” Ben traced his thumb around Gavin’s belly button, as if Ben needed a physical point of contact to keep his thoughts in order.

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