Page 70 of All The Things: The Last Thing He Needs Omnibus

“It’s real good of ya to ask after them and all, but don’t give it another thought, all right, Pop?” Tommy spat the words at his father. “They’re doin’ just fine. We’ve always done fine on our own.” It wasn’t the six weeks Cal had been missing that was pissing Tommy off. It was over twenty years of his bullshit pushing Tommy over the edge. He was still trying to figure out if the rehab thing was for real or if his father had discovered a way to steal prescription pads or get loaded up with methadone or some other scam. Tommy’s money was on the scam, but he didn’t say it. “Why’d you wanna see me, Pop?”

It looked to Tommy like this was the part Cal had been dreading. He took a moment to respond.

“I wanted you to know I was here, and I wanted you to know that it was because I wanted to be. Or, well, because I need to be.”

Cal stopped there, maybe waiting for Tommy to say something. But what could Tommy say? Great job, only twenty years too late. Go you.

When Tommy only looked at him, Cal said, “One of my steps is to make amends.” He fidgeted with the envelopes in front of him.

Tommy couldn’t stop the laugh that slipped out. One day years later, maybe he would feel guilty about it, but not then.

“I know I can’t make up for what I’ve done or change anything now, but I wanted you to know I’m trying.”

“Trying to what?” Tommy asked, feeling bitterness and anger roil in his blood. “Trying to apologize? Trying to tell me you’re sorry and you wish you could take it all back?”

Cal sat there, looking like he was thinking long and hard about something. “I do wish that. But that’s not what this is about.”

“Then what?”

“Look, Son, I know I haven’t got any right to ask you this, but… I’ve written letters for you and the kids and I was hoping you might give them to them. Or at least read yours.”

Tommy had to inhale slowly to keep from throwing himself across the table at his father. “Look, Pop. Tell ya what. If you’re still clean and sober in a year, if you’ve got your shit together by then, got a real job, stayed outta jail and off the streets…. If you still wanna make amends… you look us up and bring the letters yourself.” He stood up and leaned over the table, his voice thick with rage as he whispered, “But I swear to God, if you try to fuck up what the kids have now, if you do something crazy like try to get custody back, I’ll sign my own confession in your blood over your dead body. You hear me, old man?”

Bobby hadn’t been kidding about the security guard in there. He seemed to take notice when Tommy moved. He stepped closer when things got more heated. But Tommy backed away. He looked at the guard and said, “I’m done here.”

He didn’t even glance at his father as he stalked toward the door and waited for the nurse on the other side to let him out.

Bobby had been waiting for him when he got to the lobby, but he didn’t say anything to Tommy. Probably because Tommy was muttering to himself and walking fast on his way to the exit.

When they got outside, Bobby finally asked, “Didn’t go well, I take it?”

Tommy was patting down his jacket pockets, praying there was one cigarette left. Clearly, finding out the kids were okay and that Bobby was probably going to keep him around a little longer was the last bit of luck Tommy was going to get for a while. His pockets were empty.

“You know, some stupid part of me had thought for one minute on the way over here that maybe—just maybe—he’d pulled himself together and he was actually going to stand up and take responsibility.” Tommy stood in front of the hospital, pointing at the doors. “But that? That’s the last fucking thing I need.”

He turned to walk toward the car and Bobby followed. Tommy was still growling. “All I need is for him to get it together just long enough to fuck up our world again and then ya know what’ll happen?” Tommy looked at Bobby but he kept talking over anything Bobby might have said. “He’ll derail again and drag us all into the ditch with him.”

Bobby unlocked the car and waited for Tommy to duck inside before he did the same. He started the car, and as if he had been waiting to make sure Tommy was done, he finally asked, “What did he want?”

“He wanted to make amends.” Tommy filled each word with as much contempt as they would hold. When Bobby didn’t say anything, he went on. “He wrote us letters, ya see. But did he have the balls to hand ’em out himself? No. He wanted me to do it for him. Just like every other goddamn thing in his life.”

Bobby pulled out of the parking lot. “I’m guessing you told him to go fuck himself?”

“You think I shouldn’t have?”

“I didn’t say that, Tom.”

“I told him that if he got his shit together and stayed clean for a year, he could look us up and give them to us himself.”

As Bobby pulled onto the freeway heading back to Judy’s house, he said, “That’s not an unreasonable request, Tom. Your father has a lot to face, both in himself and with his family. You telling him he needs to prove himself for more than a few weeks in a locked-down facility isn’t unfair.”

“I don’t give a shit if it’s fair or not.”

“Given what you’ve been through with him,” Bobby said with a small breath of a laugh. “I’d say that’s pretty fair too.”

Tommy didn’t tell Bobby what his parting message for Cal had been. He decided there were still some things Bobby simply didn’t need to know.

They didn’t say much the rest of the way home. Tommy was glad for the peace until he remembered Bobby’s words earlier. We need to talk. When they pulled in to the driveway, Tommy decided it was best to get it all over with in one day. He turned to Bobby. “You still need to talk?”

---