Page 30 of Demons & Damnation

Kyla eyed Sam for several seconds, then deciding this was nothing more than Sam having her head in the clouds again, she pushed the car forwards again, straightening it up as she eased it back up to the speed limit.

“So what are you saying?” Kyla asked.

“I don’t know,” Sam said. “Just that it might be nice to have someone permanent as opposed to temporary. Sure, the money is good and all, but money doesn’t keep me warm on a cold winter night or give me a proper soul deep laugh. It doesn't make me feel loved or appreciated, you know?”

Kyla snorted. “You know my opinion on this, Sam. Given the alternative, I’d rather stay as I am.”

“But forever? Do you really think you’ll be still going out on a Saturday night in another ten years, twenty years? Come on, Ky, you’re worth more than that.”

But not worth enough to be with your brother, Kyla thought to herself, then shook the thought away. “I don’t know, Sam. It’s a big thing. You know it is. I don’t feel like I’m quite there yet.”

Sam wrung her hands together as she said, “I mean this with all due respect, Ky, but it’s been ten years...there’s got to come a point where it gets left behind. You’re living in the past, you’re never in the present, and you’re missing out on the future.”

Kyla fell silent as she soaked in the meaning of her friend’s words. As they drove closer to town, hedges and field edges turned into pavements and streetlights, then house after house, lining the streets. The unspoken words between the two hung in the air, an ever-growing palpable ball of tension that could explode at any moment.

Thinking back over the day’s events, Kyla couldn’t help but realise that she’d lost a day of her life to being stuck in her head and living in her past. It was only a day, but it wasn’t the first. If there was one thing Kyla knew for sure, it was that time can never be gotten back. How much longer would she allow her demons to steal her life from her?

“Am I that bad?” Kyla asked, turning into a car park near the town bridge.

Sam let out a breath quietly, relieved her friend hadn’t erupted like a volcano. “I’m not saying you’re bad, Ky. God knows that what you’ve lived through is hell itself, but I want to see you happy. I want to see you living, not just surviving. Do you understand what I’m getting at?”

Guilt gnawed at Kyla. She knew exactly what Sam was referring to. “You mean being grateful for more than just managing to not top myself every day?”

Sam held her breath, then after a few seconds, she nodded.

Kyla parked the car and switched the engine off, her hands still on the steering wheel as she stared blankly straight ahead at the brick wall in front of her.

A good two minutes passed, in complete silence. Sam watched her friend’s eyes glaze over as she zoned out, becoming lost in that dark abyss in her head again.

“Ky,” Sam said, touching her forearm. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I only want the best for you.”

Kyla snapped back to the present and turned to look at Sam, plastering a smile on her face. “I know. I just...I don’t know how to stop it, Sam. I don’t know how to not let it affect every part of my life. It feels like I’m not me anymore, I’m just...I...I’m not me, it’s me. Kyla Marshall isn’t a person anymore. The thing that happened to her is her. Does that make any sense?”

Sam squeezed her arm and gave her friend a sympathetic smile. “I get it, Ky, I do. I want to help you. Will you let me help you?”

“How are you going to do that?”

Sam took a deep breath and then said, “I know about you and Dylan.” Kyla’s eyes widened, filling with shock and apologies. As she opened her mouth, Sam held her hand up to silence her. “Let’s not get into the details of it tonight. My point of this conversation was to tell you that you’re not alone. I want to see you happy, and so does Dylan. I want you to know that you can trust us both and lean on us both as much as you need, but I think it’s time, Ky, to start moving on.”

Kyla’s head whirled with her friend’s admission. Foolish didn’t even come close to how she felt. She had done the one thing she prayed every day would never happen to her again—betray the trust of the person she loved most. And yet, here she was, still offering to help Kyla, be her continued crutch for her miserable existence, to drag her up out of her wallowing self-pity.

“Sam...I...I’m so sorry...we never meant it to happen, it just kinda did...”

“Save it for another day. For now, it’s out in the open, you know we’re both here for you, and now you can start thinking about your life in the present and the future. Yes?”

Kyla nodded. She reached over and grabbed Sam’s hand. “You are the best friend anyone could ever have. I literally wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I can never thank you enough for that. If that means I have to leave your hot brother alone, I will. Cross my heart, hope to die, I swear if you tell me to never touch him again, I won’t.” A cheeky grin passed over her lips as she then said, “But I can’t promise to not think about our times together.”

Sam laughed. “So are you two a thing? Are you official?”

Kyla shook her head. “No. I don’t think he’s got the nerve to ask me that again after I let loose on him earlier.”

“I saw.”

“What do you mean you saw?”

“Your handprint on his cheek.”

Heat flushed Kyla’s face. “Yeah...I might have said a few things as well. He’s a good guy, Sam, and the sex, wow.”

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