Page 90 of Talk Nerdy To Me
“Oh, that’s code for sex, right?” Britt asks, then carries on quickly. “Base won’t have sex with me because I still have a hymen and he thinks I’m not mentally ready to deal with losing my virginity with a lack of feelings,” she states very seriously.
We walked in. I said, Hi, Mom. Mom hugged me, I introduced her to Britt, we moved to the kitchen, and bam. Nope, retracing my steps does not explain how this whole conversation got away from me so fast.
Mom shoots me a horrified look, like she can’t believe Britt just said that to her. I’ve never once been embarrassed by my mother. Until today. Today, I regret stopping in, since it’s clearly not as casual as I expected it to be.
Britt leans over and whispers something to Krysta, who is still a little…dumbfounded.
“I think we’re past the point of what is or isn’t appropriate by now, but no, not under normal circumstances,” Krysta tells her, brow furrowed like she can’t believe this is her day.
“Sorry,” Britt says to my mother. “I haven’t been in a situation where I’ve had to meet a potential—”
“Stop talking,” Krysta cuts in, patting Britt’s knee.
Britt swallows the rest of her words, and my mom exhales harshly.
“Oh, sweetie, you’re a virgin? What the hell are you doing with my son?” Mom asks, doing a complete one-eighty as she moves quickly to Britt’s side.
Sticks comes up and claps my shoulder. “Reason number four-hundred and seventy-three not to fuck a virgin,” he says quietly. “You go from don’t-you-touch-my-baby-boy to what-are-you-doing-with-that-whorish-man-child.”
“No, no, no,” Britt is saying, assuring my mother of something. “He told me he’s leaving in four months, since the tour has been slightly delayed. We were just discussing sex. Not a relationship. But we’re friends with partial benefits now.”
Mom and Krysta cast a dirty glare in my direction.
“I walked in, which usually leaves Mom really happy for the first few hours and I can get away with murder,” I go on, gesturing toward the front door, my head hurting with the spit-fire madness.
Mom stands abruptly and walks over to where we’ve moved, and she hisses, “Are you playing games with this poor girl’s head?”
“Then I hugged my mother,” I go on, looking over at Taylor, who shrugs and stares up at the ceiling like he doesn’t want to draw any more attention to himself than necessary.
“As a man raised by a single mother, you should be more sensitive to a woman than that,” Mom goes on.
“How am I in trouble right now?” I ask, seriously needing someone to walk me through how this has all transpired.
Sticks clears his throat, doing a miserable job of schooling his grin.
“I don’t know what to say to make it better. I just keep making it worse,” Britt says a little helplessly from behind my crazy mother.
Mom smiles abruptly, a full, takes-over-her-entire-face smile, and laughter begins bubbling out of her more and more as she doubles over.
Britt and Krysta exchange a confused glance as my dickheaded bandmates all start laughing as well. Mom actually wipes tears out of her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Britt, Krysta,” Mom says, waving a hand in their general direction. “But I couldn’t help myself. Your face,” she says, laughing as she points at me.
She stops laughing and quickly turns around to face Krysta.
“I’m so sorry, honey. Really. I had no idea one of you would sincerely own up to being an attention-starved, hot mess. I was just tossing out a stereotype.”
Krysta looks torn between laughing and hiding under a table, but Mom turns back, staring at me as I glare at her.
“You’re fucking evil,” I state very honestly, gesturing at all of her.
“I’m sorry, but it’s rare I meet new people I can actually embarrass you in front of.”
“You can be damned sure you won’t be meeting new people in the future. Enjoy your one crowning moment of victory,” I dutifully inform her, still feeling the urge to apologize.
Britt just smiles like she finally gets the joke, and Krysta slowly relaxes.
“Again, sorry,” Mom says to Krysta, patting her arm on her way by. “Just so you know, I’m not actually all that judgmental. Usually I’m the one being judged, so let’s start fresh.”
