Page 80 of Treasured Secrets
He smiled like I had answered just the way he wanted me to. I shook my head to myself. I loved him whether he believed it or not and I wasn't going to give up.
When we were away from the others, I asked, "Why did you flinch when Ash changed into me?"
He looked so pitifully sad. He stared away for a minute, seeming to be lost in a cloud of misery. I was starting to think he wasn't going to answer, but he finally did.
"When she changed at the airport, I had a lot on my mind. When she changed just now, it made me remember what I was thinking then."
I was slightly puzzled by that vague response. "What were you thinking?"
He sighed loudly, bringing his eyes back to meet mine.
"I was worried we wouldn't make it in time. We were going in blind as to where you were or what was happening to you. The only thing Jaslene had seen was the fire and the chaos in Brazil. With you, there was nothing. I had no idea what condition we were going to find you in.
"When Ash changed at the airport, it worried me that it might be the last time I ever saw you, and it wasn't even you. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing your face on anyone but you. I was going to think of the time I saw you before that, but that wasn't the best of memories either. This was all my fault."
"No, it was mine," I groaned, doing my best to ease his guilt. In the end, it really was all my fault. All of it.
We went outside with everyone for the celebration. Ash raised fire from the ground against a few logs that Gear had assembled with a little help from his wind. Jay shot bolts of energy that exploded into the night sky like electric fireworks.
Selesha had joined us. It was sad seeing her watch Jay and Ayla. I could tell it was killing her. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know where to start.
The huge fire and the electric fireworks were quite a romantic backdrop for Tallis and me. I leaned into him, enjoying the way he held my hand and kissed the top of my head.
"Thank you for always saving me," I murmured softly, sighing in content as I watched the embers of the fire float on the arms of the natural wind.
It was cold, so the fire fed me warmth. So did Tallis. I felt his hand squeeze mine a little tighter.
"As long as I'm alive, I'll be around to save you. If anything was to happen to you... I wouldn't live through it." He paused when I looked away to hide my sadness. He had no idea what his words did to my soul. He sounded confused as he changed the subject. "I don't understand how you saw things as I saw them in slow motion."
He touched my cheek, caressing it softly with the tips of his fingers. I fought back the tears and shrugged while turning back to face him.
"I don't know either. I'm glad I was able to help you use a new power though." I laughed a little, though it was forced. "At least all of my life-threatening encounters give you a good workout."
He smiled, letting his eyes drift back to the fire.
Everyone danced around the blazing beauty for a couple of hours, and then we finally went in. The adults indulged in some cocktails, I was stuck with only water.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" I asked in a whisper, looking at Tallis hopefully.
"I hoped you'd ask." He seemed almost relieved as he brushed my hair from my face.
We headed up the stairs, side by side. He reached for my hand as we made our way to my room, and his fingers became interlocked with mine.
He shut my door, and I lay down on the bed, completely exhausted. He flopped down beside me and wrapped his body tightly, so tightly against mine. His hands reached aroundmy waist, just slightly touching the skin my shirt left uncovered. His hands felt like silk. His breath on my neck sent a wave of chill bumps all over my body. I heard him snicker when he noticed them.
I turned over to let my eyes meet his. I wasn't angry, but I could hear pain in my voice when I almost whimpered before straining out my words.
"Why do you laugh? Why is this humorous to you? Do you have any idea how much this hurts me? I want to be with you so badly that it physically hurts. Every part of my body aches for you. Is it funny to see me suffer because you feel nothing for me? I'm so confused by you and how it feels like you want me like I want you, but then you shut me down like I mean nothing at all to you."
His expression changed to be more serious. He cleared his throat, seeming a little surprised by my outburst.
"I was laughing because I'm happy. I love making you feel something for me. With that said, I also hate myself for doing this to you. You mean absolutely everything to me. Nothing means anything at all if you're not with me.
"I've tried fighting the urge to be by your side, but I can't. I've done everything in my power to not link with your emotions, but I'm continuously unsuccessful. I'm not strong enough to fight it. I'm not capable of leaving you alone. It's selfish and cruel, and I wish I could stop, I really do, but I can't. Every second I'm not with you is the worst time of my life.
"Without you, I'm completely miserable and emptiness is all that consumes me. You're so unbelievably amazing that I can't stop myself. I physically hurt for you, too, Aria. I can't spend a moment without thinking about you. Even when I'm with you, I'm thinking about you. It's completely insanely wonderful and dreadfully painful at the same time. I don't know how to stop.
"I don't want to ruin your last few years as mortal. I don't want to risk the harm I could cause, should my blood truly be tainted. I can't let myself bond with you the way you say you want to. It's going to be unbearable for me when you transform and go in search of your true soul mate. Your human emotions for me will become obsolete, and when your feelings die, mine will, too. It's going to be hard enough to lose you this way. I can't get any closer. I just can't."
