Page 16 of She's the Star

My tour entourage is huge. Makeup, hair, wardrobe, and security. Plus the band. And the dancers. Most everyone has been with me for years, and they’re like family at this point. If we can show Nolan what it’s like when we’re together, he’ll be so impressed by our camaraderie that he won’t be able to say no. After an extended discussion, Brian agrees it’s worth a try.

Mina works her magic, and on Thursday afternoon, my house is full of people. The sliding doors are open so everyone can flow freely in and out of the backyard. Rodney, my drummer, is manning the grill. A couple of people are splashing in the pool. Others are lounging on the chaises in the shade while they sip drinks and munch on catered snacks. Low music—not mine—provides a background track to the chatter. It’s relaxed and fun—and it’s making me stressed.

What if he isn’t impressed?

Nothing about our initial interaction suggests he will be.

I’m perched on the edge of the huge sectional in my living room, with Maddy sitting against the cushions. My hands hover nearby to keep her from tumbling to the floor, but the sofa is deep and cushy, so there isn’t much risk. It’s the first time she’s been around this many people, and her wide eyes make me think that she either likes the noise, or the constant motion—or both. Either way, she’s been much happier now that I know she always needs something to chew on.

Everyone is here. Everyone except for Nolan Byrne.

He told Mina he’d come, but he hasn’t arrived yet. Where is he?

Every minute that passes ratchets my stress a little bit higher. I’ve become familiar with the emotional roller coaster that is parenting, so I ought to be handling this better. I shift and tell myself to chill out.

It doesn’t work. What am I going to do if he doesn’t agree?

I’ll be back at square one.

Square one is unacceptable, because I’ve reached the point where no one else is going to satisfy me. No matter the qualifications of another candidate, I’ll compare them to the picture I have in my head of Nolan holding Maddy while she chews on his knuckle.

I know I’m being unrealistic, but I can’t help it.

I hand Maddy a wafer as I absentmindedly listen to the conversation swirling around me. I should be joining in, but my brain is too focused on waiting for Nolan to arrive.

It feels like a decade has passed when Mina finally appears with him trailing closely behind, but it’s probably been three minutes.

She says something over her shoulder, and his lips twitch. He’s wearing another button-down shirt—this one blue-checkered—and a pair of navy slacks. The professional vibe works for him, and somehow he doesn’t look out of place, even though he’s the only one—other than Brian—who’s dressed like he’s heading to a day at the office.

When they get close, determination straightens my spine and I smile when we make eye contact. He offers one in return, and for no good reason, a rush of doubt snakes through me.

I’ve been on stage and in front of cameras since I was a teenager. I performed before a crowd of fifty thousand the day after Teddy cheated on me, and, just hours after my pregnancy was revealed to the world, I sang live on morning television. I’m unshakeable. Steely.

I try to channel that version of myself.

“Nolan,” I greet him, and then start rapidly clapping my hands. It’s more than a little odd and not at all charming. I should stop. Why am I not stopping?

Mina stares at me like I’ve lost my mind.

Operation Adulting: slight failure.

Thankfully, Maddy sees me clapping and tries to join in, saving me from doing anything else absurd. She doesn’t manage to clap—her hands just mash together. Nolan smiles at her and leans in close, his hands coming together in a gentle, almost silent clap.

His attention makes her face light up, and she reaches for him.

“Thank you so much for coming,” I say in a rush.

He barely spares me a glance as he sinks onto the sofa next to Maddy. “Your assistant here is terribly persistent. She wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

It’s hard to tell if he’s irritated or amused. Why can’t I read him? Maybe because he doesn’t seem to want anything from me.

Mina slips away with a pointed look that could mean literally anything. I don’t waste time trying to decipher it. “Oh…well…everyone likes a party, right?”

He glances around. “It sure seems like it.”

Maddy leans forward to grab the wafer that fell out of her hand when she was trying to clap. We both reach out to steady her. Our hands accidentally meet, fingers briefly brushing, before he shifts direction and reaches down to grab the wafer. He presents it to Maddy like it’s a rare delicacy.

She swipes it up and shoves it into her mouth.

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