Page 18 of She's the Star

Bruno chuckles. “Sure you were.” He moves closer and drops onto the sectional next to Nolan. Then he raises his pierced eyebrow at me and says, “You going to introduce us?”

Bruno has blue-tipped hair and dark eyes, and today he’s wearing a one-piece blue jumper. It’s a bold look that completely works for him. He already knows who Nolan is—I spilled way too many details when he did my highlights yesterday. Unless Nolan enjoys in-depth conversations about styling products, or wants suggestions on what hair color would best accent his facial structure, Bruno isn’t going to help convince Nolan to become Maddy’s nanny.

Operation Secure Childcare: not looking good.

“Um…yeah…sure. This is Bruno. He’s a master with hair.” I wince and glance at Nolan. “And Nolan. He’s…uh…good with kids.” As soon as I say the words, I want to yank them back. He’s good with kids. He’s a master with hair. What is wrong with me?

Thankfully, they just laugh and shake hands. They chat for a couple of minutes, but I’m hardly paying attention as Bruno tries to convince Nolan that pink tips would enhance his vibe. I’m too busy worrying that I ruined my chance.

Nolan is no closer to agreeing to join us on tour than he was when he arrived, and every time I open my mouth, something awkward or unhelpful comes out.

When Bruno finally drifts away, I’ve worked myself into such a state that the only option is to apologize. “I’m sorry if Mina harassed you into coming today. I’ve been a bit overzealous in my desire to convince you to take the job, and I think that might have rubbed off on her.” I hesitate—aware I should stop now that I’ve apologized but unable to resist continuing. “It’s just that every book I pick up says babies appreciate routine and structure. I can’t offer routine. I’m worried that touring is going to be overwhelming for Maddy, and I want to make it as smooth as possible for her so I can continue to do what I love. I have no chance of making it work unless I have help. Our meeting felt serendipitous, and you were perfect. My instincts keep insisting that I try to persuade you to change your mind. I need you.”

I squeeze my eyes shut.

That last part might have been too much, making me sound desperate.

He stays silent, and I crack open my eyes in time to see him offer his thumb to Maddy. She leans forward and grabs ahold of it like it’s the greatest toy she’s ever seen.

“Thirty weeks is a long time,” he finally says.

“It is. I know it is, but I’ll do whatever I can to make it worth it for you.” I pause, and then offer, “It doesn’t have to end when the tour is over. I’ll keep you on as long as you want.”

“It’s not just the time. I’ve never worked as a nanny.”

“You’re overqualified. I get that taking care of one child is different than what you’re used to. But I promise it’ll be a good job. I’ll appreciate you more than I can say, and I’ll do my best to make sure you know it.” I attempt to sound genuine and earnest and trustworthy.

He nods, and the play of emotions on his face is impossible for me to comprehend. Does he believe me? Does he trust me?

Probably not. Why would he?

Nolan Byrne didn’t seek me out. Nor did he apply for this job. He was just a guy lending a helping hand, and I’m the superstar who wants to take advantage of his expertise. Why can’t I let this go? I chew on my lip, but there are no other options—I have to apologize. Again. And then I have to let him get on with his life.

“I’m sorry. You said no. I need to respect your decision. I shouldn’t have let Brian send you that contract. And I shouldn’t have asked Mina to convince you to come today.”

I force myself to stop talking. No more pleading. Or asking.

I hate how pushy I’ve become. It’s like I drank the pop star Kool-Aid, and no matter how hard I try to keep a level head and remember the girl I used to be—with a normal childhood in a middle-class neighborhood—I still fall victim to my success.

Sometimes I forget that being famous doesn’t mean I get whatever I want, whenever I want it. I mean…it usually does mean that, but not always. Not now.

Nolan studies me intently. “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be, and I hate to admit it, but it’s kind of nice to be wanted.”

I can’t tell if he’s joking, and I don’t want to assume, so I say, “But it isn’t nice to be harassed.”

“I don’t feel harassed. I’ve never felt harassed by you.”

That’s a relief. However?—

“I still feel like a jerk. I got wrapped up in how good you were with Maddy, and how much easier things would be if someone I trusted was taking care of her.”

“How do you know you can trust me?” he asks, slow and thoughtful, like he’s truly curious.

“Instinct, I guess. You seem like you know what you’re doing without any doubt.” I smile ruefully, and add, “Also, Brian got quite an earful from the new headmaster and some of the teachers at your former school. They’re pissed you got fired, and they talked about you like you’re a child whisperer. They couldn’t say enough flattering things. I guess they reinforced my instincts.” I pause, and then quickly add, “Not that I needed to be convinced.”

He takes a deep breath, his attention going from me to Maddy and back to me again. “You know Maddy’s still going to cry sometimes if I take care of her, don’t you? Just because I knew why she was crying one time, doesn’t mean I’ll always be able to soothe her. You know that, right?”

Hope rushes through me. Is he saying what I think he’s saying? Is it possible that he trusts me—even just a little bit? “She’s a baby. I know she’s going to cry, and I don’t expect miracles.”

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