Page 29 of She's the Star

“Sure.”

He keeps playing, only this time, he sings the lyrics, too. His voice is deep and soulful, and the song is about lost love. I don’t ask him if it’s about me because I don’t really want to know. When he’s finished, I clap and say, “It’s brilliant. I love it, but?—”

“Tell me,” he demands.

“It’s a sad song, but the melody is a bit too upbeat.”

He purses his lips, and then nods slowly. “I think you’re right.”

He’s a brilliant lyricist, but it takes some tinkering to get a song to sound exactly right, so we mess with it a bit. When we’re done, he tries to convince me to sing one of our duets. He’s playful and almost joking, but I refuse, just like he knows I will.

It isn’t that I don’t adore the songs we wrote together, but I never sing them anymore. I’m aware that he—and the rest of the world—think I don’t sing them because they make me wish we were still together, but the truth is more complicated.

While I wasn’t the one who cheated, over time I’ve realized I never considered him my long-term future. People want to believe Teddy is the love of my life. They worry that I’ll never love again because I can’t forgive him, but also because I can’t forget him. The truth is murkier. It’s easier to let them believe that I’m stuck between forgiving and forgetting than to confess that while I did love Teddy, I wasn’t in love with him. It’s a hard thing to admit even to myself.

“Just one song,” he pleads playfully.

I shake my head.

“Fine.” He rolls his eyes and hands me back my guitar. “I was thinking…maybe I could tag along with you for the first couple weeks of your tour? I think we’ve got everything ready for my show, and I wouldn’t mind spending extra time with Maddy.”

Absolutely not.

He can’t come on tour with me. He can’t even be seen in public with me. The rumors that we’re reconciling would be insurmountable if we were spotted together. Not to mention the fact that if he went on tour with us, he’d drive me crazy. “You can’t. You need to rehearse and if you were there, people would think we were getting back together.”

“Would it really be so bad if people thought that?”

He generally takes it well when I turn him down, but I can’t seem to get him to stop asking. “We already talked about this. We are not getting back together, and I don’t want to start rumors that we are.”

“Who cares what people say?”

“Everyone cares. You. Me. Our label.”

He shrugs and I want to pull out my hair. I can’t keep having this conversation with him, but I don’t know what else to do. I’m starting to think the only way to convince him that we’re over would be to start dating someone else.

Who would I date though? Eden Carmichael? A random fan I meet backstage? My social life isn’t exactly bursting with possibilities. Except for Nolan, I haven’t met anyone new since before Maddy was born.

“I don’t care,” he says stubbornly.

“Teddy Lance,” I admonish, deciding to focus on what it’ll mean for him if rumors about us dating gain traction. “You’re trying to rehab your image, and you’re trying to rebuild your fan base. You won’t manage either if you’re caught toying with me.”

“I wouldn’t be toying.” He bites his lip and transfers his attention to the ground. “They’d forgive me for everything if you took me back,” he mumbles.

“That isn’t true, and you know it.” Getting back together would be the kiss of death for his career because when things went wrong, as they inevitably would, he’d take all the blame. “You can’t show up unexpectedly at one of my shows either. You know the press will go insane if they see you there, and you agreed we wouldn’t give them any ammunition to start rumors. We’ll meet up like we’ve planned so you can see Maddy and that’s it.”

He sticks out his bottom lip and blinks rapidly. I should be immune to his pout. And to the tears that are gathering in his eyes.

“Don’t you dare let those tears fall.”

“It’s just—I’m going to miss seeing you and Maddy every week.” He sniffles, and I barely manage to stop myself from giving in. Why does he still have this power over me?

“Teddy,” I warn.

His shoulders slump. “I know I hurt you before, but if you give us another chance, I think we could make it work. We could be a real family.”

I swallow thickly and say the only thing I can think of that’ll halt him in his tracks, “I’m seeing someone.”

TEN

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