Page 33 of She's the Star

We stare at each other. His pupils are blown wide, his mouth is red and swollen, and his cheeks are flushed. He reaches out and shakily brushes the hair off my face.

“Hi,” he whispers on a shuddering exhale.

There is an appropriate response, an apology or an explanation, but the only thing that slips out of my mouth is, “Hi.”

“I suppose I deserve this,” Teddy’s voice tunnels between us as he sighs dramatically. “It isn’t like you have to rub it in. I get it…you’re in love. Blah. Blah. Blah.”

I scramble to my feet, tripping on the stroller and sending it rolling into Teddy’s chair. Maddy wakes with a start. “Shit.” I stumble a couple of feet and pick her up. She curls into my chest and sighs. I cuddle her and pace away from the lounge chairs to try to gather my wits. When I turn back toward Nolan and Teddy, I think I’ve mostly recalibrated.

I zero in on Nolan and nope, I’m wrong. I’ve been completely wrecked by kissing him, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Not with Maddy in my arms and Teddy watching us. I attempt to look like I’m not a beat away from freaking out.

“I was just keeping Teddy company while Maddy slept,” Nolan informs me. His voice sounds entirely normal now, and I can’t help but wish he would return to breathlessness. Was he less affected than I thought? Or is he a better pretender than I am? “She’s been fairly fussy today, hence the late nap in her stroller.”

“I hope she isn’t getting sick,” I say, studying her face.

“No fever or congestion or anything like that.”

“That’s a relief.” I bob my head. “Have you guys eaten? Mina’s still out, but we can heat up some leftovers.”

Nolan rises to his feet. “I actually have…uh…a thing tonight, so uh…I need to head out.”

What thing? Where is he going? Why is he leaving?

He walks over to us and brushes a kiss against my forehead and then Maddy’s. My lips want to chase him, but I manage to keep still, and I manage to stop myself from demanding an explanation for where he’s going.

“See you in the morning.” He nods at Teddy. “Later, man.”

“Um…bye,” I say to his retreating back.

When he’s out of sight, Teddy sighs. “You really like him.”

“Obviously.” It isn’t a lie. I need a distraction from wondering if my kiss scared him away, so I move toward the house. “Let’s get some food.”

I barely kept it together during dinner, and now that Teddy is gone and Maddy is asleep I can freak out. My fingers tremble as I press them to my mouth. I can still feel the imprint of Nolan’s lips. What was I thinking?

I took a complicated situation and made it a thousand times worse.

What if Nolan quits? What if Teddy doesn’t believe us? Now instead of having one relationship issue, I have two.

Operation fake dating: complicated.

I sink onto my enormous bed and press my hands against my thighs, but they don’t stop trembling. A quiet snore comes through the monitor that is sitting on the nightstand. My hand is a bit steadier as I reach out, grab it, and hold it close to my face as I click the button on the side to turn up the volume. Maddy has one hand resting on her cheek and is sound asleep. Every third exhale, the same sound comes through the monitor, only louder now that I turned it up.

Her chest is rising and falling at a steady rate, but I still set it on the bed next to me so I can keep watching her to make sure she’s okay. With a sigh, I reach into the pocket of my sundress and pull out my phone.

“Mom,” I say a second later.

“Amber,” she says cheerfully. It doesn’t matter how old I get, I’ll always take comfort in the sound of her voice. “I’m so glad you called. Your dad and I were just talking about how you haven’t sent us any pictures of Maddy today or yesterday. And we haven’t had a video chat in days. Has she been too grumpy again?”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. Her bottom teeth are fully visible now, and she’s been mostly good, but she didn’t sleep great last night, and she was fussy today. She’s asleep now or I would let you say hi. The truth is, I’ve just been so busy.”

“Are you working too hard? You know you need to take time to rest while you can.”

I huff. “I’m not working too hard. The first show is almost here so we’re trying to make sure we’re ready.”

She tsks. “Then you’re definitely working too hard. You forget I’ve been there when you’re preparing for a tour. You’re a perfectionist and you don’t know when to quit.”

I almost laugh. “I promise I’m not overdoing it.”

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