Page 48 of She's the Star

It’s an effective distraction, and we chat about their travel plans until Maddy’s eyes pop open. Since she’s awake, Ellie asks if she can hold her, and they spend the next couple of minutes fawning over her. Ellie has Maddy in her lap and is chatting with Nolan when Slater lowers his voice and says, “What’s going on between you and Nolan?”

“Nothing,” I respond far too quickly.

“Are you sure? He was watching you rather carefully when we were talking about Teddy.”

I raise my brow. “Pretty sure I’d know if something were going on between me and Nolan.”

He studies me. “Would you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve been uninterested in relationships since Teddy. I’m just saying…he seems like he might be interested.”

“And what, you think I should pursue him?”

He sighs. “I understand why you hesitate. I know Teddy hurt you but if you were interested in Nolan, it might be worth exploring a little. He seems like a nice guy.” He pauses. “I know I’m not Amber Hope, but my relationship with Ellie is proof that it’s possible to balance fame and an honest relationship.”

It might be possible, but it’s hard to imagine how it would work. I don’t know how to be Amber Hope and date. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t do it.

“Just think about it, okay?” He ruffles my hair like I’m five. “You’re one of the best people I know. You deserve happiness.”

He’s such a sap now that he’s in love and I’m maxed out on this conversation, so I say, “I am happy.”

He nods. “Maybe so. But you and I both know you want more.”

EIGHTEEN

NOLAN

Mina delivers three bags stuffed with Thai carryout and then heads out to meet up with a friend. Slater and Ellie stay to eat, and I linger awkwardly, unsure whether I should stay or go. Amber must assume I’m going to stay because she tells me to make a plate while she feeds Maddy.

After dinner, Slater and Ellie leave and Amber puts Maddy to bed.

I take a shower and when I’m done, I’m not entirely sure what to do with myself. It’s a bit after eight and I have a room in the suite so I can help with Maddy, but since it’s our first night in a hotel, I haven’t figured out the logistics of sharing the space. Do I stay in my room? Do Amber and I hang out after Maddy is asleep? Is that even a good idea?

Will being alone together feel weird?

It would be nice if Mina hadn’t had plans. I’d be much less uncertain about how to act if she were sitting around scrolling on her phone or snacking at the mini bar.

After dawdling in my room for nearly half an hour, I tiptoe down the hallway and peek into the main room of the suite. Amber is in front of the windows, folded in half with her hands on the ground. As I watch, she slowly walks her hands forward until she’s in a straight-armed plank. She holds that position without the slightest indication that it’s difficult. I’m more than a little impressed by her strength and flexibility.

Not wanting to be caught gawking, I start to back away, but she must hear me, because she says, “You don’t have to leave. I’m almost done.”

“I don’t want to interrupt.”

She walks her feet up to her hands and then slowly uncoils her body until she’s standing. “I was just stretching a bit. Trying to stay as limber as I can.” She rolls her shoulders and swings her arms around. “We could…uh…chat a bit…if you wanted, or um?—”

“Sure,” I answer before she can finish.

She grins at me and grabs her water bottle off the ground before gracefully lowering herself onto the large sofa in the center of the room. I settle onto the other end, careful to leave plenty of space between us.

“Why early childhood?” she asks once I’m seated.

It’s a question I’ve been asked dozens of times and I have a plethora of stock answers. I like kids. I like feeling useful. I like having a routine that can shift on a whim. I don’t like being stuck at a desk.

I don’t give her any of those answers because I think she’ll understand better than most the real reason why I do what I do. “When did you know you wanted to perform?”

She answers without hesitation. “I’ve known for as long as I can remember. My parents have video of me when I was three and half standing on the countertop, my mom’s lipstick smeared on my face and a banana in my hand as I belted out the lyrics to “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”

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