Page 56 of She's the Star

She settles on a chair. “One night together and we’re already planning a date night. How exciting.” She rubs her palms together. “Let’s get down to business.”

She pulls out her phone and starts tapping away. I do the same, but I haven’t ever done anything in Phoenix other than perform and hide in hotels so I have no idea which restaurants could even accommodate us. After a few minutes, she purses her lips and calls Brian.

It takes all three of us, along with some input from Nolan, to finalize an acceptable date night.

The rest of the day passes much like any other except for my constant awareness of Nolan and my anticipation of our date. A couple minutes after seven, we slip through the alley entrance of an Italian bistro where we’re greeted by a bald man wearing all black.

“Right this way,” he says in a crisp voice, leading us down a short hallway and into a small room with six empty tables. The dim lighting is augmented by a trio of candles flickering in the center of each table. The walls are exposed brick and the tables are tiny. The ambiance is even better than I’d hoped.

He leads us to a small booth against the wall. It's a private and intimate spot, and even if the other tables were full, it would still feel like we're alone. I slide into the bench across from Nolan and it hits me.

I’m on a date.

For the first time in years.

My heart races in my chest as the full magnitude of the night hits me. I have a boyfriend.

The waiter sets menus down, tells us he will return, and then disappears. Nolan smiles at me from across the table and my pulse jumps.

“Wow,” he says. “This place is…romantic.” I put my hand on the table, and he reaches out and blankets it with his. “I imagined us having plenty of nights like last night, but never anything like this.”

He needs a better imagination. I can’t offer private dates all the time, but I don’t want him to think the only thing we can do together is hang out with Maddy and share a bed.

I’ve never felt this way before. Never had the urge to impress someone other than with my music. Never wanted to make someone else feel special. Is it crazy that I feel this way now?

“This is the first time I’ve ever planned a date.”

“You did good.” His hand tightens in mine. “You surprised me.”

“How?”

“The first thing you did today was plan a date for us. I’m not sure I’ve ever witnessed you do anything that wasn’t either for your career or your daughter.”

“Work-life balance is not something I excel at,” I admit. “For a long time, being Amber Hope was my entire focus. When I had Maddy that changed, and now I’ve realized that I want more from you. My world keeps expanding and with that I keep finding pieces of myself I didn’t know existed.” I bite my lip. “I don’t know how to prioritize a relationship along with everything else that requires my time and attention, but I want to learn.”

I’m getting too deep.

Moving too fast.

We’re supposed to be enjoying a meal together, not overanalyzing my motives. Or worrying about our future. It’s just—I never said these things to Teddy and look how that turned out. Nolan is nothing like Teddy, but the voice inside my head is pushing me to communicate. I refuse to assume we want the same thing only to find out I’m wrong sometime in the future.

“I want this too. You and me. You don’t have to convince me that you want to be with me.”

“I know I’m being silly.” I pick up the menu with my free hand and pretend to study it.

“Not at all,” he assures me. “It’s only been a day. We have time to figure out how we work. We’ll do it together. It isn’t just on you.”

Our waiter appears out of nowhere. “Have you decided what you’d like?”

“Oh…um…no?” I respond. I might be holding my menu but I’ve barely looked at it.

“Take your time.” He glides away.

“I’m sorry. I thought we’d feed each other bites of pasta and get sloppy on champagne. I didn’t intend to get into the intricacies of dating. Nor did I plan to share my inexperience.”

“I’ve never had a long-term girlfriend. I was more or less married to my job until I got fired. I understand your uncertainty but any pressure that either of us are feeling, we’re manifesting ourselves. Let’s take each day as it comes, and for now, let’s enjoy our date.”

A grin engulfs my face. “I can do that.”

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