Page 63 of She's the Star

He flinches. “I…uh…already told you, Maddy’s better off without me.”

I make a buzzing sound. “Wrong.”

His cheeks redden. “Is that why you made me hold her? Because you think I’m not any good at this?” He sucks in a breath. “I think we both know you’re more of a father to her than I’ll ever be.”

I scrub my hand across my face and wonder if I should let him off the hook. It isn’t as if I can make him be the father she deserves, and it isn’t my place to tell him that he should do better.

Although, there isn’t anyone better qualified to speak about the challenge of having an infamous father, and if I don’t say it, who will? “It isn’t a competition between us. Sure, I can love her. And I could probably make it so that she doesn’t miss you much, but—and I can’t stress this enough—she’ll always feel your loss if you choose to be nothing but a casual observer in her life.”

He doesn’t react other than the tear that runs down his cheek. “You can’t know that.”

“Wrong again. My father is Russell Gage, so I’m quite familiar with having a father who isn’t always around and who adores being famous.”

Teddy’s mouth opens and closes twice before he manages to get any words out. “Holy shit. You’re serious? Your father is the movie star Russell Gage?”

I sigh and nod. If telling him about my father wasn’t necessary in order to make my point, I wouldn’t have done it.

“Your dad is hot,” he adds.

“Not relevant.” I rub my forehead. “Why do you think I told you about my father?”

His response is immediate and surprisingly accurate. “Because if Russell Gage can be a decent father, I can too.”

“Precisely.”

His expression brightens and his eyes light up, but as the seconds tick by, the joy slowly seeps away. “I appreciate your example, but”—his voice drops to a whisper—“I have no idea what I’m doing. Even if I wanted to do better, I wouldn’t know how.”

He gets points for admitting that. Not many but a few.

“I’ll help you.” The words come out of my mouth, but I’m not sure which of us is more surprised.

His jaw goes slack. “Why would you do that?” he asks suspiciously as Maddy wrestles the bottle out of his hands so she can tip it further back.

“Because you need the help.”

I must have lost my mind.

“I do. And I appreciate that you realize that, but I don’t understand why you aren’t being a dick to me. I wouldn’t blame you if you were. I wronged you.” His voice drops. “It might have been on purpose. Amber is pissed. Really pissed.”

“I can be pissed at you and still not act like a dick.”

“Really?” His nose wrinkles.

“Yes, really. I have some control whether I’m a dick or not.”

“Oh. You do? That’s…unexpected.” He blinks. “I’m not sure I can say the same.”

“That’s not news.”

He fiddles with his zipper. “I hate when Amber’s mad at me. It makes me feel out of control.”

“Then maybe you should practice restraint from time to time.”

“Probably.” His shoulders droop. “I just—you don’t have any reason to be nice to me but you are anyway, and I don’t understand it. I don’t like shit I don’t understand.” He taps on his forehead with his fist. “You’re the first person who has ever called me out for avoiding the serious stuff with Maddy. In addition to never holding her when she cries, I’ve never changed her diaper, or watched her by myself. Amber thinks—or maybe she knows—that I’m not good at being a dad. So does everyone else. I can be the fun uncle or whatever, but that’s it.”

I run the words I want to say through my head. They’re probably too blunt. But maybe he needs to hear them anyway. “I won’t argue that you can be a selfish asshole. You hide behind your fuckboy persona, and you avoid taking responsibility for your actions. It’s your own fault that no one thinks you can handle a baby.” I pause to let my words sink in. “But—and this is important—none of that is relevant right now. You are her father. And she deserves your best. It’s up to you if you give it to her.”

He exhales. “Fuck. Now I feel even worse than I felt when I got here.”

---