Page 64 of She's the Star

“I’m not here to make you feel better.” And now, I do sound like a dick. I wonder if I’ve gone too far, but he just nods.

“I know. A lot of people think I’m a jerk and an asshole but pretty much no one is willing to say it to my face.” He wrinkles his nose. “I think I kind of like hearing you say it.”

I shake my head. He’s going to have to find someone else to unpack that with.

He doesn’t seem to require a response because he continues rambling. “I sort of hate you. Amber likes you or loves you—I don’t know which—but the way she looks at you is not the way she looked at me. Plus, you’re so damn competent with Maddy. You’re like…perfect dad material.” He pauses. “It sucks. I am sorry about what I did. I’m not very good at controlling my impulses and I got caught up in my misery which caused me to say some things I shouldn’t have said and now—” He groans loud enough to startle Maddy. The bottle falls out of her mouth, and she starts to fuss.

His gaze locks on me. “Will you please take her?”

I take pity on him, and her, as I rise and scoop Maddy up. She settles comfortably into my arms, still fussing a bit. He purses his lips and tips his head back as he sinks deeper into the chair.

“She likes you,” he mumbles.

“Yep. Doesn’t matter though. She can like me and still need you.”

“I didn’t mean Maddy. Obviously Maddy likes you, and I hear what you’re saying about not using that as an excuse to be a shitty father.” He sighs. “I meant Amber. I lost her a long time ago, but it didn’t feel permanent until now. I’m not used to regret and can’t say I like it very much.”

“You have a lot of things you don’t like.” I don’t want to say the next part, but like everything else I’ve said to him, I think he needs to hear it. “You shouldn’t doubt that you’re important to Amber. She still cares about you, even if you don’t deserve it.”

He makes a noise that I can’t decipher. “I suppose. I’m sorry about Annabelle. Truly sorry. Talking to her about your relationship was a shit thing to do. It might not be the shittiest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s definitely in the top ten and I can’t claim I didn’t know what I was doing.” He scrubs his hand over his face. “I don’t really know what I can do to make it up to you, but I’m going to try to stop being a dick. And I’m going to try to stop wanting what I can’t have.”

Wanting what he can’t have.

I don’t want to feel sympathy for him. If the defeat in his voice is any indication, he doesn’t like himself any more than he likes me. Knowing what I know—about myself, and him, and Amber—do I have any choice other than to offer forgiveness?

“I appreciate your apology. You and I are going to be fine.” I shift my attention to Maddy, who has drifted asleep again. She isn’t my daughter, but she’s wormed her way into my heart and I’ll do whatever I can to give her the best life. “I’ll help you find your footing with Maddy. I didn’t live with my father and when he was on location I didn’t see him for months. He was rarely there for the day-to-day aspects of my life, but I always knew he loved me, and he’s always been there when I needed him to be. You can give Maddy the same thing he gave me. Maybe even more if you want.”

Teddy sniffles. Big fat tears trickle down his cheeks and drop into his lap. “I don’t deserve your help.”

“It doesn’t matter. Do you want it?”

“Yes.” He swipes at the tears on his cheeks without shame or embarrassment. I don’t know many men who will openly weep. He’s such a strange mix of vulnerability and arrogance. He’s more like my father than anyone else I’ve ever met. Maybe that’s why it’s impossible for me to hate him.

“Okay then. We’ll figure this out and we’ll make it work.”

He nods. “I think I should probably go. I’m not supposed to be here. My manager is going to be pissed.” He rises to his feet, kisses the top of Maddy’s head, and shuffles toward the door. Partway there, he stops and looks back over his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“You have my number if you want to check in on Maddy. You can call anytime.”

He nods again, pulls open the door, and disappears into the hallway.

TWENTY-FOUR

AMBER

When I come off stage that night, I’m tired down to my bones, but the adrenaline from the show carries me through the VIP mingle. I chat with my fans and smile for their cameras like I don’t have a care in the world. It isn’t until I climb into the back of a black SUV that the exhaustion I’ve been ignoring unleashes itself.

I drop my head against the seat and close my eyes.

Mina clears her throat as she settles next to me.

“We can go,” she says to my driver.

“Where’s Brian?”

She hesitates. “He’s taking care of a few things.”

I raise my brows. “Tell me.”

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