Page 118 of Born into Blood

I never thought my life would lead me here, that the vile actions of my father and uncle would end with something so beautiful, and I know I’ll never stop being grateful for how much love is in my life now. It could’ve so easily gone the other way, and knowing that makes me appreciate it all the more. Everyone always says that they can’t imagine their lives without the person they love, but that’s not how I feel. I can imagine my life without Luka, and that’s what makes me cling to him a little bit tighter because I never want to go back to a life that doesn’t have him at the center of it.

Our life together is always going to be filled with danger, but it’s also going to be filled with so much love, and that love is worth everything. I kiss my husband’s chest and snuggle up against him, smiling when he tightens his grip on my thigh and kisses my head, making me feel so completely safe and loved. I’ve found my home with him, I’ve found the man I was always supposed to be with, and I’m never letting him go. With his baby growing inside me and his arms wrapped tightly around me, I close my eyes, knowing there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

Epilogue

One Year Later

Luka

Roma gives me a huge gummy smile as soon as I step into the room. I swear his blue-green eyes light up as he reaches a chubby hand out to me. When we told my dad we were naming our son after him, he’d immediately pulled Lara and me in for a hug, looking happier than I’ve ever seen him. He still brags about it to my uncles every chance he gets.

“Up from your nap already, little man?”

He smiles even bigger when he hears me speaking Russian and flails his arms around. His brows furrow in concentration as he rolls over onto his stomach. He gives me a triumphant grin that makes my heart fucking melt.

I scoop him up and cover his face in kisses while he squeals and squirms in my arms.

“Daddy loves you,” I tell him, carrying him over to his changing table. “Mommy doesn’t know you’re up yet. Let’s get you changed and we’ll go surprise her.”

He takes the colorful toy I hand him and starts to examine it while I get to work. I love taking care of my son. I can’t imagine not being hands-on with him. With all the shit I’ve seen and done, a dirty diaper is a piece of cake, and I’ve been changing his since the day he was born. I try to help out every chance I can to give Lara a break, but the truth is I just really love doing it.

Our son babbles quietly to himself while I get a clean diaper on him, and he looks so much like the two of us that I can’t help but smile while I watch him. He’s the perfect mix of us, and the unconditional love that I’ve felt for him since that first moment Lara pushed him into this world never ceases to amaze me.

“Okay, Roma, let’s go find Mommy.”

He may not understand all the Russian I’m saying, but he squeals when he hears me say Mommy, and as soon as I pick him up, he’s jerking his wobbly head around, trying to find her. I cup the back of his head, feeling the smooth strands of his dark hair as I kiss his chubby cheeks. My family is my weakness. It’s impossible for me to keep my wife and son at arm’s length. I can’t love them any less. It’s impossible, and I refuse to even try, but that also means they’ll always be in danger because of me, because of what our family does. It’s terrifying, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t keep me up at night, but it also makes me more vigilant and more determined than ever to do whatever it takes to keep them safe.

One day my son will be helping to run this Bratva, but that’s a fucking worry for another day. My dad made sure my brother and I had a fun, normal-as-possible childhood, and I’m going to make sure my son gets that as well. For now, he doesn’t need to worry about anything. That’s my job. All he knows right now is love, because he’s surrounded in it on a daily basis, and that feels like my biggest accomplishment in life. Every single time I see him smile, it makes me feel like I’m doing something right.

I carry Roma downstairs, and as soon as he sees Pip lying in a patch of sun, he wriggles in my arms, trying to free himself. I laugh and set him down, smiling when he reaches a hand out to the lazy cat who’s quickly become his best friend. Pip may not have ever caught on to using a leash, but he’s patient with Roma to an impressive degree, tolerating the uncoordinated pets and the slobbery hands like a true champ.

Pip purrs, stretching out while Roma babbles to him and runs his chubby fingers over his fur. When Roma gives another squeal, I laugh and scoop him back up before going in search of my wife. We find her outside on the rooftop, book in hand, one foot lazily swinging the hammock chair she’s sitting in, looking so gorgeous it takes my breath away. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to her knocking me on my ass. She’s been doing it since the first time I saw her, and I know she always will.

A huge smile spreads across her face when she hears Roma’s happy squeal. Dropping her book, she looks up at us and reaches her arms out for our son. I hand him over and then sit down so I can put them both on my lap. She kisses Roma and then turns her head to me, and as soon as our lips touch, it’s like coming home. Everything else fades away at the taste of her.

“I missed you,” she whispers against my lips. “Did everything go okay?”

I smile and nod my head. “Everything’s fine, kisa. Nothing to worry about.” She knows I can’t talk work with her, but she still worries and still asks about it. Things have been going well, though, and for now that’s enough. This line of work is unpredictable at the best of times, so when things are quiet, we all enjoy it, knowing it won’t last forever.

“How did Damien do on his biology test?” she asks, and I swear I fall in love with her all over again. She insists on helping my brother with his homework, and now he comes over every day after school to play with his nephew while we help him with his homework.

“He did great. Got a perfect score.”

Lara smiles, just as proud of Damien as I am. I kiss her cheek and breathe in the scent of her, feeling at peace for the first time since I left this morning. Roma sucks on his fist and lets out a hungry cry right before Lara laughs and starts to unbutton her shirt. She wants to breastfeed him for his first year, and I’m happy to support whatever she wants to do. I hold the two of them while she gets him situated, and when he starts to nurse, she lets out a relieved sigh and leans her head against my shoulder. I run my fingers through his dark hair, watching him watch us as he nurses.

“He’s so perfect,” I say, hearing the awe in my voice that I still get when I talk about our son. Every day he amazes me.

“He is,” Lara agrees. “Just like his daddy.”

I laugh and kiss her shoulder. “It’s his mom that’s perfect.”

Using my feet, I swing us gently while Roma nurses, first on one breast and then on the other, until he’s stuffed and I’m putting him against my chest and patting his back. I watch Lara fix her bra, and when she looks up and sees the hunger in my eyes, she blushes and shakes her head at me.

“You’re terrible,” she says with a soft laugh.

“I can’t help it. Seeing you like this does something to me, kisa.” It’s true. Watching her step into motherhood is one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen. She’s the perfect picture of feminine beauty, and fuck if it doesn’t turn me on every damn time.

I pat our son’s back, smiling when he rewards me with a burp in my ear.

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