Page 68 of Paladin's Hope

You could never make him happy. You could only make him as miserable as you are. You’d run roughshod over him. He hasn’t got the steel to stand up for himself against you.

The memory rose unbidden of Piper darting into the trapped room to touch the corpse there. That isn’t the same, he argued with himself. That was recklessness or courage or some combination of the two. I’ve got that.

“Fine,” said Marcus. “Yes. I believe that. That is why you take five minutes to answer a question and look like you swallowed a weasel.”

“It wouldn’t have worked,” said Galen. “Him and me. It’s better this way.”

“I thought that you two seemed quite close,” offered Shane.

“And you’re both snarky bastards,” agreed Marcus.

“No,” said Galen. “I mean, yes, we are, but he’s…nice. If you scratch him, you get all this caring and decency. If you scratch me, there’s just more me.”

“You are literally a paladin sworn to defend the innocent and downtrodden,” said Marcus.

“You both know as well as I do what that’s worth these days.”

Marcus looked as if he might argue the point. Galen glared at him. “You of all people should understand. You walked away after Hallowbind too, didn’t you?”

The other man inhaled sharply. Shane, who had been walking a little behind them both, stepped forward and quietly inserted himself in the middle. Marcus fell back a step, but not before Galen saw the slash of anguish across his face.

There, you see? That’s what I’ll end up doing to anyone who cares about me. Marcus is as tough as an old boot and I still hurt him. Piper’s got no defenses against someone like me.

He was right. He was most definitely right. So why did he feel as if he’d made a terrible mistake?

They reached the Temple. Galen wanted nothing more than to go inside and fall down and sleep for a year, god willing without dreams.

“I will make a preliminary report to Beartongue,” said Shane. “She’ll want to grill you in the morning.”

“And then the guard will want to grill me again,” said Galen wearily. “Yes, I know. If I can get a little sleep, I’ll manage.”

Shane nodded and turned away. Marcus stayed behind, setting one hand on the doorframe of Galen’s room.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Galen said. “I didn’t mean to throw that in your face. It’s just that you know, and no one else does. No one else was at Hallowbind.”

“I know,” said Marcus. He was staring into the distance. Galen wondered what he was seeing. His wife? Or what scraps were left of the dead at Hallowbind when we were done with them?

“I think about her every day,” said Marcus finally. “She’s the first thing I think about when I wake up. I can’t let it go.”

“But she’s safe,” said Galen.

“I hope she is,” said Marcus. He focused on Galen finally, and his deep brown eyes were bleak. “I hope she’s happy. But sometimes I wonder if she’s thinking about me when she wakes up too. Maybe all I’ve done is condemn us both.”

He stepped back and let the door close. Galen stripped off his clothes, sponged the worst of the dirt off himself, then fell down on the bed and let exhaustion stop his mind from self-recriminations.

Thirty

Piper slept for nearly two days, waking only to use the chamberpot, drink water, and on one heroic occasion, stagger down the street to a food cart and buy something. It was mostly onions and beans, but there was a piece of fish in it that gave him a bad moment until he managed to spit it out, his mouth tingling with a remembered hook.

When he finally seemed to be awake for good, he got dressed and went to a public bath for a quick shave and a long soak. The hot water made him feel close enough to human that he started to feel guilty about his replacement, who was probably frantically trying to keep up with the bodies coming in and wondering when Piper would come back to relieve him.

The world goes on, he thought grimly. Even for those unlucky in love. And hopefully for those shot with crossbow bolts. He wasn’t sure if he could find the gnole warren again. Hopefully someone would think to send him a message when Earstripe woke. If he woke.

He tried to think of something else, but the only other thing he could think of was Galen, which didn’t help at all. Sleep had dulled his misery but consciousness seemed to be sharpening it to a point. He walked to work with his shoulders hunched, staring at his feet.

“You look like hell,” said Kaylin, the guard on duty.

“Thanks,” said Piper. “How’ve you been?”

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