Page 38 of Picking Pismo

Claire glanced at her watch. “Sure,” she held up a finger. “But only for a half hour.”

Alexis and Juliet ran off together, catching up to where Juliet’s mom and brother were waiting. Once they were out of sight, Claire inched toward David. “Do you want to go for a walk so we can talk?”

David ran a hand down the length of his face. “We can go for a walk.” His shoulders dropped. “But it doesn’t mean I’m excited about what you want to talk about.”

“I’m sure that’s true.” Claire shifted her weight, glancing down the sidewalk toward the ocean and pier. “Do you want to walk the pier or the sand?”

“Sand,” replied David.

Claire nodded, shoving her hands into her pockets. The ocean breeze nipped at her skin, making her shiver. They walked in silence the remaining block to the beach. Waves crashed on the shore, making the sound vibrate through her. Once at the edge of the sand, both stopped and removed their shoes, carrying them with them.

David reached for her hand with his free hand, leading her closer to the water’s edge where the sand was firm and smooth and easier to walk on. Their footprints left a trail behind them. Only the lights from the pier along with the stars up in the sky lit their way. Claire wondered who would speak first.

Finally, David broke the quiet. “Lauren left me,” stated David. His voice cracked. “We met in college. I was crazy about her, and I couldn’t wait to marry her. As soon as we graduated, we got married…” His voice drifted off, stopping, he stared out at the ocean.

Claire came to a halt beside him, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze and not wanting to interrupt, she waited for him to continue.

David let go of her hand and rubbed the back of his neck. Glancing over at her, he asked, “Do you mind if we sit for a while?”

And Claire saw it, written in his eyes. This was their end, and Claire didn’t know how to stop it.

Maybe it was the chilly air, but Claire’s teeth started to chatter. “Sure.” She tried to sound casual, but her heart thundered.

They walked up the small sandy hill to where the sand was dry. Dropping her shoes, Claire plopped herself down on the sand. David sat down next to her, cradling his knees with his arms.

Both stared out at the seemingly endless view of ocean. Claire’s hands shook, and she placed them underneath her, sitting on top of them. The pounding of her heart made her anxious. When David didn’t continue, Claire said, “So, what happened next?”

David’s chest heaved with a long exhale. “What didn’t happen?” He shook his head, glancing down at his feet. “We married. I thought we were happy and in love, but I still had dental school then an orthodontics residency. It was long and hard, and I probably wasn’t the best spouse to Lauren. She was alone a lot. I wished she hadn’t been, and I regret that part. Lauren proved to be overly critical of me. Anything I did was wrong. I never made her happy. I knew we weren’t doing great, but I thought things would get better. If I could just finish school and start my own practice, then we could be happy. Then we’d have money, and I’d have more time.

“But one day out of the blue I came home, and Lauren told me she was moving out. I was completely blindsided. She told me she met someone new. Zach. They’d been carrying on together for a while behind my back.” David shifted, leaning back on both of his hands at his sides. He stretched his legs out and crossed his ankles. “I was too late to fix anything, and she didn’t even want to try. She loved Zach and not me and that was that.”

Claire tilted her head toward him, taking in the entire image of him. She wondered how anyone could ever stop loving David. He was the most loveable guy she’d ever met. Kind and thoughtful, patient and understanding, and it broke her heart Lauren hadn’t seen what only took her one day to see. David was someone worth rewriting your entire life for, not someone you left.

Drawing a circle in the sand with her finger, Claire replied, “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine. It must’ve been heartbreaking. For you to have everything you ever wanted and then have it disappear. I’m sorry your marriage didn’t work out.”

“It was horrible because I loved Lauren. I wanted to be with her, but Lauren didn’t love me anymore. I often wonder whether she ever really loved me.” David straightened his back, running his hand through his hair. “It still hard. I struggle. I question my worth. I think I’m unlovable. Sometimes I question if I have what it takes to ever get married again. It terrifies me to give my heart over to someone and know I could have it happen again—divorce. I couldn’t do it. It would break me.”

“I can’t argue with you. I think those are valid concerns.” Claire rubbed her hands together to rid them of the sand. Desperately, she wanted to wrap her arm around David and tell him, she chose him. He was special and Lauren was a fool, but David already seemed so distant. Like she’d already lost him, and there wasn’t a way to get him back. Clearing her throat, she said, “But maybe the second time around you’ll get it right. You’ll find the right person. Maybe you’ll be happier than you ever imagined, and Lauren will become a distant memory, and your doubts will disappear.”

David shrugged. “Maybe,” he mumbled.

“So, seeing Lauren again, did it…” Claire stumbled over her words, unsure of how to say the things bottled up inside of her. She mustered up the courage to continue, “make you question us?”

David shifted, wrapping his arm around Claire’s shoulders. She leaned into the warmth radiating off his body. “I don’t know. I don’t know about anything anymore. Seeing Lauren has messed with my head. I wished it hadn’t, but it did.”

Claire’s insides churned on themselves. David might still love Lauren, and he might never stop loving her. And Claire was leaving in a month. It was a double sucker punch to the gut.

Cradling her knees, Claire said, “So what are you saying? Do you think you’re not ready to be with me?”

“I’m beginning to see I got swept up in the idea of you,” said David. “I really enjoy being around you and Alexis, but I don’t know. I just don’t know...” His voice trailed off, and he stared down at his feet.

His words stung. Wiggling out of his arms, Claire grabbed her shoes beside her. “I’m leaving in a month.” Claire stood and brushed the sand off her backside with her free hand. “Maybe we shouldn’t pretend anymore that it isn’t happening.”

“I…” David stumbled to his feet, swiping his sandy hands on his pants. He bent back down and picked up his shoes. “I know you’re leaving, but I enjoy spending time with you and Alexis. I want to hang out with you until you both move.”

Hang out? Is that what they’ve been doing? She was so blind, and she hated herself for believing David was falling for her too. In her pain and sorrow, her judgement was impaired. Impaired enough to have her make choices she never should’ve made.

Claire moved first, walking back toward the pier. “I think this should be the last night we see each other.” She didn’t wait for him.

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