Page 47 of Picking Pismo

Claire whipped her face toward her sister, wide eyed. When she didn’t say anything right away, Alexis cackled.

“Oh dear…” Alexis wagged a finger at her. “I knew it. You’re right back on track.”

“On track for what?” asked Claire.

“For you and David to realize you belong together.” Alexis turned her attention back to her phone. Her fingers tapped rapidly, and she didn’t look up when she added, “David’s going to realize he’s falling completely in love with you.”

“Nobody’s falling in love.” Claire continued through town. “We’re only going to get something to eat. If you don’t remember you ditched me for an evening with your friends.”

“Whoops. Sorry about that,” replied Alexis. “But you can’t blame me. I need to stay connected with my friends especially if we move back by Christmas.”

“We’re not moving back!” Claire practically screamed.

Then Alexis burst out laughing. “Oh boy, you’re in trouble.” She laughed so hard; tears ran down her cheeks. She swiped at the corners of her eyes with the back of her sleeve. “I love seeing you like this—frazzled.”

Gripping the steering wheel tighter, Claire saw her knuckles turning white. “I’m not frazzled. I’m chill as a cucumber.”

Still laughing, Alexis said, “Please don’t ever say chill as a cucumber again.”

Claire rolled her eyes, but the tension in her shoulders disappeared.

“I’m sorry,” said Alexis. “I like teasing you. Because you’re easy to tease. I know it isn’t funny, but you and David were distracting me from remembering things…” Her voice faded off, and she stared out the passenger side window.

Claire slowed the car down, not wanting to arrive at Juliet’s house before Alexis divulged everything. Instead, Claire made a right turn, taking the longer way along the ocean.

Flipping the music playing from the radio off, Claire asked, “What things?”

Alexis exhaled. “Things like how being here makes me think of Mom at every turn.” Alexis kept her gaze out the passenger side window. Claire didn’t interrupt but waited for her to finish. “Sometimes I wonder if this ache in my chest will ever go away. Or how I’ll ever find a way to forgive the person who did this to her—to us.”

Her words pushed out every ounce of oxygen left in Claire’s chest. Pulling the car to the side of the road, Claire put the car in park. Moisture tickled the corners of her eyes, Claire glanced up, blinking rapidly. Wringing her hands together, Claire tried to find the words to make everything okay. But then she knew no words would ever heal the broken parts in each of them.

“It was an accident.” Claire voice came out almost in a whisper. Shifting, Claire reached out and gripped Alexis’s shoulder. “The guy had a heart attack and died too.”

Alexis swiped at the tears running rampant down her cheeks, seeping into her sweatshirt. “I…” Her voice cracked. “I’m still so angry Mom was taken from us.” Alexis cried into her palmed hands.

Claire wrapped her arms around Alexis bringing her closer. Alexis cried some more on her shoulder.

Once Alexis’s chest stopped heaving, Claire loosened their embrace a tad. “I think someday it’ll get easier.” She stared out the windshield, wondering what easier even meant. “I mean I pray every day for it to get better. Someday in the future, I don’t know when, but we’ll be able to talk about Mom without this debilitating pain in our chests. And someday you’ll find a way to forgive too.”

“I don’t think it’s possible for me.” Alexis broke their embrace, swiping at her eyes with the back of her wrist. Opening the glovebox, Alexis dug out the travel pack of tissues. Pulling a tissue out of the package, she blew her nose. Tightly, Alexis grasped the tissue into a ball. “I’m so angry. I don’t think I can ever stop being this mad.”

Claire leaned back in her seat, gripping the steering wheel with one hand. She didn’t have an answer, at least not one which quickly resolved everything. “I think it’s possible.” She exhaled. “I must trust someday with God’s help, I can find a way to be free from this level of pain. I hold out hope, and it’s hope that keeps me hanging on and moving forward.”

Alexis sat rigidly in her seat, staring out her passenger side window. Silence permeated the car. Claire turned back on the ignition, pulling back onto the road. The familiar streets of her childhood passed by in a blur. If she didn’t make the next right, Claire would be too late to avoid the gas station where it happened. She hesitated, wondering if it was too much too soon, but it had been over five months. Accelerating the car, Claire passed her last possible exit route before the gas station.

“Wait,” said Alexis, peering over at Claire then back out the passenger window. “You’re not turning…” Her voice trailed off.

Her heartbeat tripled its speed, making sweat form on her brow. “It was your idea,” replied Claire. “You’re pushing me to do hard things.”

Alexis slouched. “I know…” She clasped and unclasped her hands in her lap. “I thought I was ready, now I’m not so sure.”

A drip of moisture ran down her back as the gas station came into full view on the right. With shaky hands, Claire drove past the gas station without stopping.

A hand flew to Alexis’s chest, her breathing labored. But Alexis didn’t say anything more. The light up ahead turned red, and Claire brought the car to a stop.

From the rear-view mirror, she saw the edge of the gas station. Slowly, thump by thump her heart rate returned to normal, making her stronger with each beat. “Sunday, we’ll stop and go inside the convenience store.”

Alexis peered over her shoulder, out the back window, taking in the remaining view of the gas station. “Okay. Sunday. I’ll be ready then,” stated Alexis.