Page 71 of City of Love

Now they rounded in shock. “What?”

He chuckled and stroked her cheek. “I’m not saying I don’t want you here with me. I’d give anything for that.” He continued to smile at her confused expression. “Anything, except your life. I get it now, Alexa Cross. Contrary to Margot’s words, I love you too much to risk your life.” She began to argue, and he swept a thumb across her lips to quiet her. “I’ve been selfish, fearing the pain of living without you here. But I realize now, I can do that if I must. I can go on with my life knowing you’re safe and happy and living to the fullest in your own world. You need to move forward, heal from everything that’s happened today and these last months. Find your balance again.”

“Gideon, no, I love you. I… I should risk it, like she said.”

“Sweetheart, you need distance and perspective. You need to feel your power in your own world first. Learn how strong you are in every setting. And if you ever get the vision of a successful transition process, and you still want to cross over, God, I’d be so thrilled to have you with me.”

Her voice dropped to a whisper. “And what if that vision never comes?”

Tears rolled down her face once more, and he wiped them away, so very tired of seeing those tracks on her cheeks. “Then you’ll stay in your world and live an amazing life. There’s been too much death already, Lex. Enough is enough. There’ll never be anyone else for me, but I’ll have my work here and my friends. And I’ll be loving you from my universe. Always.”

She pressed her forehead to his, clutching handfuls of his hair. “Gideon…”

“I’m going to take you back to the portal, sweetheart. Go live your life, knowing how much I love you. Come back to me if you ever get the answer we need.”

They fell backward onto his bed, and had just enough time left for the most beautiful good-bye ever.

CHAPTER 30

Lexi stood looking out at the spectacular view from Matthew’s penthouse condo on the Delaware River. Early Christmas lights strung along buildings reflected off the water. As much as she loved the simplicity and peacefulness of the other world, she had to admit that her city all lit up at night, the historic buildings of Christ Church and Independence Hall set against the towering skyscrapers, was breathtaking in its own right.

“What do you want to watch tonight?” he asked. “Horror, comedy, or something with lots of bad guys and car crashes?”

“Oh, hell no. No bad guys and car crashes, thank you very much.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right. My bad. Let’s go for comedy. That’s kind of all I can take these days anyway.”

In the two months since Margot’s death and Lexi’s separation from Gideon, she and Matthew had pretty much become each other’s entire social life. It was strictly platonic, both of them still licking the wounds of their demolished love lives. But they were each other’s best confidantes—only confidantes, really. Only they could comprehend what had happened, what they were each truly feeling.

Matthew did his best to understand the complex feelings he’d been left with after Margot. Tried to figure what parts of their relationship had been real, what parts a façade, and now accepted that he’d never really know. He blamed himself for not trusting his own suspicions and catching on to her deceit much sooner. And though he’d never stated it out loud, Lexi suspected he blamed his failure in that regard for all the deaths that occurred.

No longer the confidant man she’d met at the club that first Friday night, she caught how his hands often had a subtle tremor to them, and how he asked for her opinion on almost every decision he needed to make. His heart, and his ability to trust not only others, but himself as well, had been horribly damaged. Though she still suffered in her own right, she did her best to be a comfort and a friend to him. And of course, she needed him for nearly the identical reasons.

So, week in and week out, the two wounded warriors hung together, watched movies, sometimes talked about things, sometimes didn’t bother. They were thankful enough to at least have each other’s company, each other’s friendship.

“So, how’s work going?” he asked while joining her on the sofa with a huge bowl of popcorn in his hands, propping his feet on the coffee table. “You haven’t said much about it recently.” He picked up the remote and started clicking around for something to watch.

“What’s there to say about it? It’s work.” She had, in fact, landed a great new job as a paralegal for a firm specializing in civil rights, which was something she could feel good about. A couple months into the position and her career was already thriving. Her newfound confidence, sprinkled with a little help from her sight—which she only used in the assistance of those in need—were establishing her as a real asset to the firm. The attorneys she worked with were already encouraging her to think about law school, but the complex bureaucracy of the law didn’t quite appeal. It was too removed, too massive a system. She walked through her days with a solid footstep, but a restless heart.

“Sounds like you’re thrilled,” he said with a smirk. “If you’re not satisfied, why not do something else?”

“I guess I haven’t figured out what that would be yet.” The truth was, no matter how successful she became in any field, she’d always have to hide her greatest asset. She could use it, but only in a secretive way, which bothered her after her experience in Gideon’s world. She’d never be able to fully acknowledge her true self.

Her mind flashed to conversations she’d had with Gideon and Alana. “You can be anything you want in our world now,” Gideon had told her. “You can contribute here in whatever way will give you pleasure and satisfaction.”

“If I were in the other universe, it would be different,” she said almost under her breath.

Having just shoved a huge handful of popcorn into his mouth, Matthew pulled his gaze away from the television and turned to her. He set the clicker down and finished chewing while studying her face. Just as she was becoming self-conscious under his scrutiny, he spoke. “You still thinking about that? About going there? You never got a vision, did you?”

She looked down at her hands. “No. I try constantly. But it’s the same blank every time.” She looked back up at him. “Anyway, as far as I know Gideon’s moved on. I mean, he said the most wonderful things about waiting for me, but let’s be real. The man has a couple centuries of life still ahead of him. I can’t expect that he’s sitting over there pining for me.”

Matthew studied her face again, eventually getting that twinkle in his eye she loved but hadn’t seen in so very long. He shoved another handful of popcorn in his mouth and mumbled around the food. “Hmmm.”

She slapped his arm. “What?”

Again, she had to wait for him to finish chewing, and in the meantime, she took the bowl out of his hands and placed it on the coffee table.

“I’m not so sure he’s even remotely moved on. And I’d be willing to bet something far more valuable than my proverbial pinky finger that he’s most definitely pining.” A giant grin spread across his face. “Of course, if you ever told him I said that, I’m pretty sure I’d be dead.”

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