Page 27 of Not Dating Material

“Oh, shit.”

“Gabe, the guy whose room you took, is six four. It’s nice being the biggest person in the house now.”

“What is with all you behemoths?”

“Childhood trauma’s like fertilizer. It makes us grow big and tough.”

Where I’m expecting that my comment will bring the mood down, Molly laughs. “Is that what stunted my growth?”

“Yep. A healthy family upbringing isn’t good for you. Too much money saved in therapist fees and too much sleep at night when you should be up spiraling with anxiety.”

“You do that often?”

“Nope. When I can’t sleep, I bury myself in the internet.”

“Healthy.” He snorts.

“It’s one of my better qualities.”

We leave the house and start down the street.

“What are your other better qualities?” he asks.

It’s just as I’m contemplating the question, Molly steps in close and wraps his arm through mine. I’m taken by surprise for a second, but when I look down at him and he stares patiently back, waiting for an answer, I let it go. Clearly, he gets comfortable easily on dates.

“Let’s see … I’m loyal as a golden retriever, good in bed, got a nice-sized cock—”

Molly sniggers. “Now something I don’t know.”

I give him a nudge. “Right then, perve. I … I’ll always be the first person to tell you when you have a dumb idea, but I’ll one hundred percent back you if you choose to go through with it anyway.”

“Ooh, that’s a good one.”

“And that’s about all I have.”

Molly squeezes my arm. “I’ll see about that.”

“Okay, then, what about you?”

“Good qualities?”

“Yup.”

“I’m coming up empty.” His whole face squishes up. “Sometimes I worry I’m not a good person.”

At first, I think he must be joking until I see how serious he looks. “I’ll bite. Why?”

“I’m like … a people repellent.”

“Yeah, I still need more.”

“My college boyfriend cheated on me. A lot. We were going to get married and do all of those big forever commitment things, but turns out I was the guy on the side. He was in love with his high school boyfriend, and they never broke up. He was sleeping with us both at the same time, promising us both the same things. I’d be lying in bed with him after some really intense sex, and he’d be texting this guy how much he loved him and missed him. Obviously, I didn’t know all that until after, but it was mess-y. Full-on Jerry Springer shitshow when it all came out.”

Ouch. “That definitely sounds like a him problem though. He was a trash human.”

“The thing is, I never would have guessed. Not in a million years. He came home with me to visit Dad and everything. Zero guilt. Zero shiftiness. Just a totally sweet guy who treated me like a prince.”

“Maybe that’s the problem.”

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