Page 34 of Not Dating Material

“To lots of people.”

He hums like he wants to disagree but can’t be bothered. We know each other so well that he doesn’t need to use words because I know what’s going on in his head.

“I like him,” Xander says.

“Who? Molly?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to take over the dates with him, then?” I ask. But even when I say the words, I don’t like them. If Xander has a thing for Molly, I’ll back right the hell off, but … well, Molly’s cool. He’s easy. I don’t see a lot of that in my life, and while this dumb date idea is a pain in the ass, it was nice to hang out with him a bit. Get to know someone new. Someone who doesn’t already know every little thing about me.

Xander laughs. “And tell him what he’s doing wrong? We both know I’d be hopeless at that.”

“Well, the offer’s there. Though, you should probably ask him on a real date.”

Xander’s frowning face pops up again. “What? Why?”

“You said you like him.”

His pink lips form a little O. “Not like that. He’s a sweetie though. I think he’d be good for you, actually.”

“Please. You’re enough of a handful.”

“Yeah, but we’re not dating.” He chews on his lip for a moment. “You’re allowed to do that, you know?”

“I know.”

“So why don’t you?”

“Why don’t you?”

Xander snorts prettily. “We both know why. It’s exhausting getting to know a guy and then scaring him off with my anxiety.”

“They’re all idiots if that’s enough to scare them off.”

“Agreed. But you don’t have anxiety to scare people off.”

“Just a crap attitude and terrible sense of humor.” I’m a real catch. “Maybe I don’t want to date. That’s allowed too.”

“Yeah …”

The unspoken conversation falls over us again though. Xander, feeling guilty that he’s the reason I haven’t found someone, and me, wanting to take that feeling away from him. He can’t control anyone else’s empathy. Anyone else’s selfishness. I know dating me and getting him as a package deal would be hard to handle, but I make no apologies for that, and I don’t want it any other way. If it means dying alone, I’ll take it.

My perfect man would accept us both.

And I won’t settle for anything less than perfect.

My phone dings with a message, and Xander grabs it before I can. He knows my passcode like I know his, and while I’ve never had secrets from him before, the second the image from Molly pops up, I wish we had a few more boundaries than we do.

“What … what is that?” Xander asks.

I chuckle and take the phone from him. “That is apparently a Sevipus.”

“With your tattoos?”

“Yes.”

“And a pun?”

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