Page 96 of Not Dating Material

He’s right. Letting people in and talking about myself should be simple, but there’s a big wall holding me back. Because if I take the chance and let people in, there’s every possibility they won’t like what they see.

“I’m a bit confused.”

“Well, it seems like you’re already letting them in, whether you’re meaning to or not.”

My eyebrows fall. “How?”

“Xander and Seven. You’re always with them.”

“Yeah, but they don’t give people a chance,” I say, smiling as I think of them. Xander especially isn’t good at keeping his distance. “Where are they anyway? Seven’s normally up by now.”

“Xander had an attack an hour ago, and Seven took him to see that nurse at the pharmacy.”

“At six in the morning?”

“He can’t time when they happen.”

I wave Madden’s comment away. “I mean, the nurse was available at that time?”

“Maybe it’s a twenty-four-hour one.”

I didn’t pay a lot of attention when I was there to know for sure, but even if it is an all-night pharmacy, what’s the chance that Derek was on duty this morning? I almost wish they’d woken me up to go with them because while Xander is the one who needed the help, Seven also needs support in those moments. It can’t be easy to see someone you love struggling like that and knowing you can’t be the one to fix it.

“Hey, so I’ve found another guy you might like,” Madden says.

“What do you mean?”

“You know … my mission to find your forever guy? I know the last one was a bust, but Damien’s cool. His high school sweetheart left him a year ago, and now he’s ready to find someone again. He’s an architect. Gets paid the big dollars but isn’t a dick about it. You’ll like him. I vetted the fuck out of him and had him drooling over your photo.”

My gut turns over at the sound of that, but … this is what I wanted. A forever guy. It’s what Seven is literally training me for. The excitement I should be feeling is dulled by every single memory I have with Seven. The whole not falling for him thing was bullshit because I’ve gone and fallen hard.

“That … thanks. Can I check with Seven first?”

Madden stops stretching and drops down to sit on his mat. “Seven? Why?”

“You know, because he’s been training me. How to date people and not make a dick of myself. I just … I want to make sure he thinks I’m ready.”

My answer must satisfy Madden because he nods. “Probably a good idea.”

“Yeah.”

And I don’t know how Madden is somehow unaware of the sexual tension between me and Seven, but it’s probably a good thing. It’s bad enough that Xander has squished his cute nose into our business; the fewer people who know, the fewer people there are to see me end up heartbroken.

I would say again, but the more I get to know Seven, the more convinced I am that I’ve never felt for someone what I feel for him. If I thought I’d been heartbroken before, I’m about to be ruined.

The thing is, I want to talk to someone about it, but the words feel too big to get out.

I wander back inside to make breakfast, turning everything over in my head. I can keep going on acting like everything is fine and that I’m happy with how things are, but am I really? When it comes to the distance between Dad and me over the last year or so, the answer is a solid no. When it comes to growing apart from Will? I’m not happy about that either.

All I want is to be loved and have people think I’m worthy of their time, but if Seven’s right, I’m not giving them much reason to think that’s the case.

I swallow thickly and call Dad.

He answers immediately. “Mols, hey.”

“Hi.”

There’s a second pause. “You okay?”

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