Page 110 of A Stealthy Situation

“You’re the one who gave me the idea.”

“Yeah, but an idea is only an idea. All of this is fucking impressive.”

“We’re a dream team, baby.”

“Hells yes we are.” He holds his free hand up, and we high-five in front of us. “I’m proud of you.”

I press a kiss to his curls, holding him for a beat longer than I mean to in order to try and absorb his strength. Even when Benny is struggling, he’s one of the strongest guys I know, and I want to channel his confidence. I know this shit. I love this shit. Tonight is just another night where I get to talk to people about the things I love.

On one greenhouse wall, I have a mini stage set up with a projection screen behind it for my talk later and eight tables facing it. They’re all decorated fancy with as much local flora as I could get my mitts on.

After everyone has taken a good look around, we let them know dinner will be served soon, and then I’m on.

“Think I’m gonna be sick, Benny.”

“You were made for attention. Once you start talking, you’re going to convert every person in here to a plant fucker.”

“Not my aim.”

“Eh, agree to disagree.”

The fact he doesn’t understand this stuff and is so viciously supportive anyway just gets me in the heart.

“Time to do this.”

I leave him, feeling a smidge more confident than I did a minute ago. It doesn’t help that once tonight is over, my nerves don’t end there. I’ll be flying to meet Benny’s family in a few days once break starts, so this is just the start of my torment.

But I’ll be myself there, and I plan to do exactly the same here.

With a massive breath, I power up the projector, and Benny flicks off the main lights.

“Thank you so much to everyone for coming. I’m Harrison Dunn, and this might not be the most professional event you’ve ever been to, but I’m sure as hell going to try and make it worth your time anyway. Starting by letting you all know that animals are my mortal enemies.” There’s some confusion, and I shrug. “True story. Who’s this?” I bring up a photo, and people call out Steve Irwin’s name. “And this?” I play a clip, and David Attenborough’s voice is immediately picked. “Those two men are also my mortal enemies.” I laugh at the shock that passes through the room. “See, these two have done more for animal conservation than arguably anyone else in the world, but with the focus on those critters, no one is giving a shit about the plants. The trees. The ugly-ass shrubs and grasses that are keeping everyone alive.” I grin over getting literally everyone offside already. “Ooh, tonight’s already so controversial. But I have your attention, don’t I?”

Benny whoops from somewhere at the back of the room.

“What’s your first thought when you see this?” I ask, flicking over to a picture of an adorable koala yawning.

There’s a beat of silence, and then Jordan has my back. “Cute?”

“Wrong! Chlamydia.” I bring up the next image of a diseased koala and get the response I was hoping for. Disgusted noises and expressions pass through the audience, with a few who look mildly interested. “If those charity ads showed you pictures of this guy, I can’t imagine too many people would be rushing to donate, can you?” I bring up the cutesy photo again because I want people to be able to stomach their dinners. “This is what sells. This is what empties your pockets. Unfortunately, my photosynthesized friends don’t have the luxury of a widdle tail or fwuffy ears.” There are a few snickers, which helps give me a boost. I bring up an image of a scraggly-looking tree with dried leaves that looks on its last legs. “Believe it or not, this baby is most well-known for keeping your diseased little beasties alive. The eucalyptus tree might not look like much, but got a cold? Bam! Eucalyptus to the rescue. Respiratory problems, dental care, wounds, and fevers—even goddamn bug repellant. Want a supercharged immune system? Eucalyptus is coming in hot with the assist. But it’s not pretty.”

There’s a lot of silence in the room, but from what I can tell, people are still paying attention.

“What about this guy?” My next picture is of a rainbow eucalyptus tree, and that catches people’s attention.

“There’s no way that’s real,” someone says.

“You’re correct.” I flick over to an image that hasn’t been saturated to high hell. The bright pinks and purples fall away, but it’s still impressive. “People think they need to create something over-the-top to catch attention, but look at this guy. The yellows and greens and oranges and red that are coming through in the bark as it ages. And that’s just one tree. We’ve got corpse flowers.” New photo. “Monkey cups. Tree tumbo. Birthwort. All ugly as hell but also cool as hell. The really sad thing is that these ugly guys just aren’t being studied as often as the pretty flowers that catch people’s attention.” I go through more facts and cool images and slip in a couple of plant dad jokes that help lighten the mood. But most of all, I have fun with it. I’m so swept up in talking about the things I love that I almost forget I’m talking to a room full of people. Do I want to score a bunch of money to help research? Hell yes I do. But tonight is an experiment, and while I’ll give it my all, the results will be the results, and I’m interested to see where we land.

I wrap up to applause and leave the screen going with facts and tidbits that everyone can read or not read while they finish eating.

As soon as I leave the stage, I all but swamp Benny with a hug. “I’m sapped.”

“Haven’t had enough of the tree puns yet, huh?” he asks.

“I have no idea how that went.”

“I might have snuck around with the donation QR code and set it down while people were eating. If I had to guess by the number of people who immediately grabbed their phones to donate, it was a lot. Most, probably. I hate to even admit this, but it was fucking interesting.”

---