Page 97 of A Stealthy Situation

I’m fucking stressy over the lack of contact. He’s read my messages—I can tell because his read receipts are on—but even after dinner, when I’m considering smothering myself in bed, there’s nothing. The longer it goes on, the more anxiety tries to take hold.

Then an upsetting thought hits: does he blame me?

That both makes me feel guiltier and mad. Sure, I feel like it’s my fault, but I also rationally know it’s all bullshit. That thought comes from wanting to fix things for him when I can’t. If he blames me, that’s a whole other issue. They’re the ones who got themselves into this, and I’d be devastated to know my wanting him to do the right thing was what came between us.

But what the fuck else could it be? Why would he be ignoring me?

It’d be just my luck to know I’ve fallen in love with him right as he broke up with me because he failed a test. And I get it. That’s scary shit when you’re talking about a degree and your future, but here I am wanting to be in this, to see where it goes for as long as possible, and I have no fucking clue where Benny’s at.

Fuck. I’ve gone from feeling guilty and worried about him to being convinced he wants to break up with me. There’s something seriously wrong in my head.

I force myself to bed after midnight, the smell of him on my sheets just making me feel worse. My sleep is shitty and broken, and even though I crash hard sometime after three, I’m back up at five, scrambling for my phone.

There’s still nothing.

Obviously.

He’s probably asleep.

I toss my phone beside me, wondering how I’m supposed to handle this. He left me on read. All day. That’s a clear sign he’s pissed, but that’s my job. I’m allowed to be shitty with myself; it’s not fair to get it from him too.

I’d really hoped he’d pass. Really fucking hoped this would have been a success story. It wasn’t a midterm or a major assignment; it was a low-weighted test on the subject matter we’ve just covered, so surely Benny could retake it? Surely he could do something extra to boost the grade, just enough to scrape a pass.

As much as I just want to believe he’s out celebrating a good grade, I know Benny better than that.

I’m up earlier than usual for my jog, hoping it will rid Benny from my brain, but it doesn’t. When I stop at my usual coffee cart, Austin asks me if I want the usual, and I hesitate.

“Harrison?”

“Actually, add two hot chocolates to that.”

I’ve given Benny plenty of time to blame me and sulk. Now, it’s time for us to talk whatever this is out. I can’t get through classes today without speaking to him first.

Someone’s on their way out of the DIK house when I get there, so I let myself inside and make for Benny’s room. I’m sure Em will be there with him, hence the second drink, but hopefully the hot chocolate will butter him up enough to give us a private moment.

Or maybe Benny won’t want that. Guess I’ll have to wait and see.

There’s commotion inside his room when I knock, and a moment later, the door cracks open the smallest amount, and Benny’s wary eyes peer out through it, then widen comically.

“Harrison?”

“Hot chocolate?”

He hurries to step back and open the door so I can slip inside, which I take as a good sign.

Doesn’t stop me being nervous though. Facing Benny has my heart thumping loudly because his eyes don’t light up like they usually do.

I turn to Em for something to do. “For you.”

He takes his drink with a huge grin, and it’s ridiculous how I didn’t pick it straightaway. “This is perfect, thank you.”

“Would have gotten you coffee if I knew what you drank.”

“We don’t drink coffee,” Benny mumbles. “Tastes shit.”

He looks so small and defeated I want to wrap him in a hug and never let go. His hair is wild from bed, big lips poutier than usual, and his stunning eyes have deep depressions under them. Every one of my protective instincts goes wild for him.

“I’m gonna go before you start fucking,” Em says, hopping up from the mattress on the floor. “Benny, don’t leave the room until you text me. I’m getting breakfast.” He steps out into the hall and closes the door behind him.

---