Page 117 of Kings Fear No One
We’re taking her on an all-day spa experience, and then we’ll be doing wine-tasting at a local winery. All things Sydney will enjoy as one of her last days as a bachelorette.
She folds her arms on the Steel Saloon’s bar counter and puts her head down. “I should’ve known when you asked me to wait on you.”
“Don’t make things difficult,” Korine says. “We’re prepared to kidnap you.”
“The trunk space in my Camry is surprisingly roomy. Pretty sure I’ve got some rope too.” Hope winks at the rest of us.
“You hear this? Come willingly or we will snatch you up.”
Sydney groans again at Korine’s threat. “I said I didn’t want a bachelorette party.”
“It’ll be fun! You’ll have a good time.”
“Don’t be a spoil sport.”
I stand by as the other two badger the bride-to-be. Things have been amazing between me and Logan lately, but I’m still stuck between smiling at their light teasing and sinking into my own thoughts about how I’ll never experience moments like this. Though I’m married, I never got the chance to be a real bride-to-be, celebrating my oncoming nuptials.
Those things were taken from me.
Marriage proposals. Engagement announcements. Bachelorette parties. A real wedding.
The honeymoon.
None if it will ever be something I’ve experienced.
My marriage happened much more differently than most people. I didn’t get a choice, and it was during the most traumatic period of my life. It was to a man who didn’t even want to be married to me once we re-entered the real world…
My smile slips and I glance away from the other ladies and their animated chatter. An itch tickles my throat, a trapped sob trying to make its way out.
Not now. Please not right now.
This is Sydney’s moment. Sydney’s the one getting married. It’s her time to shine.
I’m happy for her. I truly, truly am. She deserves to be celebrated, and I can’t wait to be a part of her wedding to Mason.
But I can’t pretend I’m not feeling jealous. Seeds of envy plant themselves inside me and begin growing despite how I try to squash them out. I need a moment to collect myself.
Jealousy is one of the most toxic feelings, and I won’t allow myself to become that woman.
Sydney’s my closest friend.
“Excuse me, ladies,” I mumble. “I need to grab more White Oak from the back room. Mick says we want to stock up for the fellas and their party.”
“Do you need help?” Korine asks. “The bottles are heavy.”
“That’s alright. I’m just going to grab two.”
I leave them staring after me as I cut out from the barroom. The second I’m out of sight, out of earshot, a stifled breath finally finds freedom. I’ve been holding it in, doing my best to present as excited and upbeat.
A moment alone allows for the truth to spill out.
I make my way to the stockroom only to find the White Oak’s gone. The other bottles must be in the basement. In need of an excuse to use the next few minutes to collect myself, I head down the hall where the door is that leads down into the basement.
It doesn’t matter that I never got to have the same experiences as Sydney.
Everyone’s journey is different. Mine has been dark and painful, but that doesn’t make it any less beautiful. Things have begun to take shape, and I’m proud of being able to survive what I’ve gone through. I’m cautiously optimistic about the fact that my husband is more open now than ever to giving our marriage a real chance.
I can celebrate tonight without focusing on what I don’t have. It won’t do anything to change the past.
