Page 143 of Kings Fear No One
I meet his charged gaze and blink to the sudden prick of tears.
Just like that, the emotions I’ve been bottling up and hoping to hold in ’til I can get out of town threaten to spill out. They’re on the precipice of rolling down my cheeks and quivering my lips and making me look like a fool.
I’m not strong enough for any of this.
Why… why, Lord, have you chosen for me to suffer like this? Can’t you tell I’m not built for it?
“Teysha,” Logan says, his voice husky, “what is it? Did something happen?”
I shake my head, bowing it ’til my chin’s tucked to my chest. “Everything’s fine. I was just not expecting you.”
“Were you going somewhere?”
“Excuse me.”
They’re the only two words I can warble out as I out-maneuver him this time. I slide past him to the freedom of the open-spaced living room. Plenty of room to roam around and not get caught in the cage Logan seeks to put me in during moments like this.
“Teysha… where do you think you’re going?”
“Home,” I answer. “I’ve already got my bus ticket. Papa’s going to pick me up. No need to worry.”
Logan combs his fingers through his hair as if he can’t understand what I’ve said. I might as well be speaking in a foreign language.
“Is this what you want?” he asks finally. “You want to go back to Boulder?”
“If there’s one thing I’ve figured out over the last six months of my life, it’s that I don’t get what I want. That couldn’t matter less.” I cross the room to hoist my duffle bag off the floor and tug it over my shoulder. “Will you give me a ride to the bus terminal?”
“Will you slow the fuck down for a sec and—what’s this?”
Logan tears his eyes away from me. His attention travels to the folded up note on the kitchen counter. He walks over to snatch it up. With every clack of his boot, my heart lurches inside my chest.
Panic and dread rolled into one, beating in sync with his grisly curiosity.
“Don’t read that right now,” I blurt out. “Please wait ’til I’ve?—”
“Is this some kind of fucking Dear John letter?” he asks after skimming the first line or two. His stormy eyes flick up for a vexed look at me. “You wrote me this, and then what? By the time I’d see it you’d be long gone?”
Yes. That’s exactly what I hoped for.
“No,” I mutter. “It’s just easier if I got it down on paper. I’d never be able to tell you face to face.”
He reads the letter out loud, repeating back to me the shame, fear, and pain I’ve poured into every drop of ink. Ugly truths I’d rather cry myself to sleep to than offer up for the inevitable rejection that’s to come.
Logan,
Thank you for providing me a roof over my head these past couple months. You have shown me kindness and cared for me when you could’ve easily turned me away. I’m sorry for all the times I frustrated you and for ever getting things mixed up. I let what I wanted make an already confusing situation worse, but you still never gave up on me.
You made me feel safe and valued, and you should know I’ll never forget it. Or any of the times we’ve had together.
But you were right when you said we couldn’t play house forever. Eventually, reality seeps in and you have to face the truth.
We were never meant to be married. You never wanted to be, and you made that clear. You told me you weren’t the marrying type and you weren’t planning on settling down with a wife and kids. I was forced on you and I refused to let go.
I’ve realized I have to do that now. I have a lot of things to figure out, and I’m done saddling you with my baggage. Just know I want nothing but the best for you.
Love, Teysha
My pounding heart becomes the only sound in the room. Logan’s finished reading the letter, but he hasn’t said a word. His thick brows snap together and the tension in his jaw tightens.
