Page 68 of Kings Fear No One
Mace leans against the armrest of the well-used suede couch in the room. “You both looked upset.”
“Your point?”
“Things are difficult right now.” He sighs as if dreading his next words. “Some of us… we’ve got concerns.”
I laugh, throwing a look at him from over my shoulder. “Concerns? Seriously?”
“Sydney and Korine said Teysha seems to tune out often. She seems like she’s struggling with something.”
“And me?” I straighten up and turn around in a challenge. “What about me?”
“You already know,” Mace says tightly. “You’ve been angry. Easily riled up. Impulsive. All things we can’t have with our club business.”
“So… what? Where are you going with this?”
“You need some help. Some way to get past what happened.”
“How many fucking times do I have to tell you I’m fine?” I snap before I can restrain myself. “I’ve got a handle on things just fine. But I am gonna find Abraham. Then I’m gonna fucking destroy him.”
“Logan, you swung on me.”
“Was that the first time? Since when are you a pussy bitch?”
Mace straightens up as if about to prove otherwise. “You’re my brother. I’m coming to you man-to-man. Deal with your shit.”
My flash of anger fades out like the switch has been turned off. Instead, I jut my chin at him. “You’ve taken to this fill-in prez thing, haven’t you?”
“What else was I supposed to do with you gone, Tom locked up and Silver in the middle of a nasty divorce?”
“My little bro, all grown up.”
“You talk to Tom yet?”
“Nah, there’s a lot to address. It can wait ’til after Abraham.”
“We’ll get him,” Mace says. “But Silver’s right, we’ve got to have a solid plan.”
“The plan is to get in and kill those fuckers.”
“What was it like? With them?”
I tense up at the question, playing it off by rolling my shoulders back and cracking my neck. It buys me an extra second or two to figure out a way to answer. So far, every time I’ve been asked, I’ve brushed it off. I made vague references to being trapped in hell or cracked a sarcastic comment about it being a walk in the park.
But there’s sincerity in Mace’s tone. He was serious when he said he was here man-to-man as my brother.
The thing is, I’m not even sure how to process that period.
I’ve allowed for nothing but rage and the thirst for violent revenge. I’ve tried my damnedest to block out thoughts about how dehumanizing it was to do what I was made to do. For years, day in and day out.
I’ve been avoiding public spaces—and most people—for a reason.
Being back in regular society fucks with your head after captivity. You have to figure out how to embrace your humanity and be a person again.
Most places, people, sights, and sounds feel threatening. Most situations are a reason to be on guard.
So when I’m asked what it was like, I might as well be describing something only I can see. Something that’s invisible to everybody else.
No one that’s asked that question’s gone through what I have. None of them have known what it was like to live that kind of nightmare.
