Page 69 of Kings Fear No One
I stuff my hands in my denim pockets and shrug. “What do you want me to say? Tell you about how you were beat if you so much as spoke your mind? Or about how we survived off half a can of hash a day? Or how about how we were forced to do things—things we’d never choose to do—with whoever they wanted us to?”
“I figured that was what was going on…” Mace wears a heavy expression as he shakes his head to the side. “You and Teysha?”
“They married us off. They made us… do things in front of them… with them…” My throat has gone bone dry. I try and fail to swallow as my thoughts go to last night.
I’d been able to forget our past and focus on the present. Once we gave in to each other, not once did I think about what Teysha and I had done with the Chosen Saints. Yet thinking about it the morning after suddenly feels worse.
How could Teysha ever want it? How could she look past what I did?
I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. “The first time I ever had sex with my wife, with Teysha, I was doing it against her will.”
“After they married you off…” Mace says.
“In front of the entire family as they called it. She was in tears. She couldn’t even look at me. That was the first time of many.”
“You had about as much of a choice as she did. You realize that, right?”
“She had never been with anybody before me,” I snap, suddenly irritated. “I took that from her!”
“Not by choice,” Mace says, standing firm. “You’re as much of a victim as she is. They used you as much as they did her.”
My teeth clench like I’m an animal on the prowl. “I had a choice to listen or not. I listened. I went through with it.”
“Look, this is a habit of yours. Blaming yourself for shit you couldn’t control. You did the same thing when Mom was murdered. Remember?”
“This is different. I did their bidding.”
“Teysha probably sees it differently. You even try talking to her about it?”
I shoot him a skeptical glance. “What do you think?”
“Do you want to work things out? Or are you going through with the annulment?”
…I don’t know anymore.
“We’re still figuring things out.”
“That’s what Teysha said last night.”
“That’s ’cuz it’s the truth.”
“The clock’s ticking,” Mace says, moving over to peer out the window. “One thing I’ve learned from almost losing Sydney is that time… it means a lot. Don’t take her for granted. If there’s even a chance you want to be with her, you should probably give it a shot. Talk to her. Get on the same page.”
He leaves the room on that note.
I can’t dispute what he’s said, but that doesn’t mean it’s what’ll happen. Teysha and I really do have things we need to sort out. Even after last night, and regardless of what she says, I need to find a way to understand why she’d ever want to stick around. Why in the hell she’d ever want to be with me?
But ’til then, I redirect to the mission I’ve dedicated myself to—taking out Abraham and the Chosen Saints.
The paper I’ve been searching for is hidden under a receipt for our latest beer and liquor haul. It’s the piece of paper Silver wrote down the address Xavier gave when interrogated. I slip it into my pocket and then head on out.
Mace and Silver think we need some detailed plan to eliminate the Chosen Saints. But that’s where I disagree. I’m sick of waiting and doing nothing while Abraham breathes another day. I’ll take him out myself, even if I have to do it alone.
The address on the paper leads me to Portales. Beads of sweat slide down the back of my neck by the time I’m turning down one of the last streets approaching the address.
If there’s one downside of riding, it’s dealing with scorching weather on afternoons like this.
I park my bike a couple blocks away and wipe the sweat from my brow. It’s best to keep my bike hidden from view ’til I understand what I’m dealing with. This place could be a false alarm or it could be a full up hornet’s nest.
