Page 88 of Kings Fear No One
He’s the pillar I need, pinning me where I am, his hips a drill.
His grunts are raw and uneven. His breath warm and intimate on my skin. I rake fingers through his hair and revel in how deep he goes. How urgent and rough he gets. His final moments are marked by my thighs squeezed tight and the full-body shudder he gives.
He comes as if it pains him. I’m filled with his hot release, the heavy wet feeling its own reward. I don’t want him to go, even as I feel him softening. Even as his hips stop moving and he buries his face into my throat.
It’s then that I feel something damp. Something cold against my skin.
“Logan,” I whisper. “Are you…”
He sighs into me. His heart’s hammering inside his chest. Mine beats just as fast.
A strange uncertainty numbs me for a second. I stay still, questioning how I should respond. Will he be defensive if I ask him? Will he be ashamed if I offer comfort?
I settle on stroking his hair, letting his tears soak into my skin.
Minutes might pass before we move. I’m not paying enough attention to know for sure.
When Logan finally pulls away, he sets me down on my feet and pulls down my dress. His thumb runs the curve of my cheek before he gives me a soft kiss.
“You alright?”
“Yes,” I answer, puzzled for half a second. Then I cover his hand with mine when I realize what’s going on. “I wanted it. You didn’t hurt me.”
He nods, the look in his eyes a thousand miles away.
“Did you… want me?” I ask, my tone slightly timid.
The faraway look vanishes for a glint of affection. He thumbs my cheek again and says, “Yeah, I did. Always.”
We spend the rest of the night coming down from our lovemaking. We take a shower and settle into bed like I’ve always imagined doing with my husband. Happiness swells inside my chest curling up against Logan and thanking the Lord for how fortunate I’ve been.
He’s gifted me the husband I never thought I’d have, but that I’ve come to…
I trail off at that revelation. I’m not sure I’m ready to process it, much less tell Logan.
For now, I enjoy the moment. Logan runs a slow hand up and down my arm as we lay in bed and talk ourselves to sleep. He tells me about earlier; how he’d let his thoughts wander.
“Seeing Mandy again… it made me think about… everything that happened.”
I’m silent, letting him get it off his chest. I’m aware Mandy, Abraham’s first wife, used to call upon Logan almost daily. She’d had a fixation with him the same way Abraham seemed to have one for me.
Though I’m not a vengeful person, thinking about how she’d used him makes me hot with fury. It makes me want to do things I’ve promised God I’d never do. It makes me wish I wasn’t so faithful to my beliefs.
“I thought about her… and then I thought about Abraham,” he explains. “I thought about all the times we were called upon, and how I used to have to make myself stay hard. It was fucked up… but I had to keep going. I had to trick myself into performing. And with you… I had to do it knowing how you didn’t…”
“You were the only thing that kept me going,” I say. “Those moments between us. They made me feel safe.”
Logan pulls me even closer, ’til I’m half on his chest. I tip my head back in time for the kiss he gives me. One of the last before we eventually drift off.
The Fourth of July bike show is the big event in town that Saturday. Logan and I wake early to head to the Steel Saloon and help set up. Many of the others have arrived to do their part. Ozzie’s brought Hope to be his assistant for the day at his fake tattoo booth. Korine’s spearheading the bike display. Mick and some of the others carry pounds of meat to the grill under the patio.
In a couple hours, half of Pulsboro will come through.
Logan and I are separated. He goes off with Silver and Mason to iron out the plans for the day. I join Sydney in the kitchen to make sure the rest of the food will be ready on time.
“You’re amazing,” she says, wiping her brow. “Last year, all we served was burgers and fries. But we just had to get ambitious, offering a bigger menu.”
“It’s Fourth of July. They’ll love some of these sides. I used Grandma Renae’s recipe on this mac and cheese.”
