Page 114 of The Dark Before Light

This time, though, I’m not alone. Kieran is my cornerstone as I process and heal, just as I am his. We are a seesaw in perpetual motion—each of us strong when the other is not. When he struggles, I am calm. And when I struggle, he knows not to press me to talk. Instead, he draws me baths. Reads to me for hours. Walks the beach with me multiple times a day. When I run into the cold water to feel the shock to my system, he follows me, anchoring me in the waves with his arms as much as the love and acceptance in his eyes.

He doesn’t ask me about the nightmares, but one afternoon a week and a half after my abduction, I tell him everything. Or almost everything—I don’t bring up the words he yelled over the phone. He hasn’t brought them up, either, and the longer we don’t talk about it, the more convinced I am that I hallucinated them. I recognize, too, that my emotions are still too chaotic to handle the conversation.

But I do tell him why my father put me in therapy when I was young. About my monster and why blood triggers me. Why seeing Gabe’s blood, having it on my hands, cast blinding light onto the shadows of my past.

I show him where I used to cut.

There are tears in his eyes as he traces my invisible scars with gentle fingertips, then with soft kisses. With his touch, he smooths the warped edges of my psyche’s darkest treasure. With his words, he turns my vulnerability into strength.

“I love the girl who did this, and I love the woman who survived. You are my miracle.”

That night, I sleep soundly for the first time. And the next morning, Kieran leads me to the room that doubles as a dojo and home gym. Sven is already inside. He hands me a Judogi in my size and a white belt.

“Want to learn how to beat the shit out of Kieran?” he asks mildly.

I grab the uniform. “Yes, please.”

Kieran laughs and kisses my forehead, then points a finger at Sven.

“Teach her to bring me to the floor in under thirty seconds, and I’ll buy you an island to retire on.”

Sven smiles slowly. “Done.”

Chapter 34

Kieran

“Settle down, folks! This is a press conference, not a circus.”

The lighthearted reprimand from Sam Caddel, Lumitech’s media relations specialist, causes a ripple of laughter through the small amphitheater and has the intended effect of shutting up the sea of reporters. Beyond them, a wall of cameras from local and national news stations record my every blink, breath, and twitch.

Seated onstage with me at a black-draped table are Alistair and our lawyer, Jameson Sloan. Sven watches over us from a shadowed corner of the stage.

Talia wanted to come, but I convinced her not to, not wanting her anywhere near these piranhas. She and Dylan decided to visit Gabe and watch the live feed from his cushy hospital room. By now, I’m positive she’s realized exactly why I insisted she stay away.

A circus is less chaotic.

As much as I’d rather gargle gasoline and light a cigarette than sit here and be dissected for soundbites, it’s a necessary evil. Lumitech’s stock price took a nosedive when news broke of Oliver’s arrest. Another shockwave struck the tech industry three days ago when the district attorney announced that Lyle Porter, CEO of SubFusion Systems, had been indicted on a laundry list of charges including corporate espionage, blackmail, kidnapping, attempted murder, and conspiracy to commit murder.

Once Oliver was cuffed to an interrogation table, he sang like a canary—or a lisping frog since most of his front teeth were broken courtesy of my knuckles. Thanks to his blabbering attempts to save his own ass, and the fact he was paranoid enough to record every phone call, in-person meeting, and transfer of money between him and his puppeteer, the man behind my misery was unmasked.

I’ve never liked Lyle, but the news he was behind everything stunned me as much as the general public. Mainly because while I’ve always known he was a shithead, it never occurred to me he was fucking crazy. If someone had asked me even a week ago if I considered Lyle smart enough to orchestrate multiple assassination attempts without getting caught, I would have struggled not to laugh. Now laughter is my last impulse when I think of him. I want to break every bone in his body, put him back together, and break him again.

Given that I’m not interested in a pair of handcuffs, I’m working on coming to terms with Lyle rotting in prison for the rest of his life. And by working, I mean daily phone calls with Dr. Chastain and going toe to toe with Sven on the mat after he and Talia finish their morning training.

I’m sporting a colorful array of bruises under my suit. So is Sven, who’s been kind enough to let me work out my fury on him.

The only reason I’m here today is to show the world—and Lumitech’s stockholders—that I’m perfectly fine and mentally stable enough sit at the helm of my multibillion-dollar corporation.

Even though I’m not sure I am. Even though I’ve been lying through my teeth for the last thirty minutes, projecting false confidence while my bones are burning. All I want to do is flip over the table in front of me, destroy every camera in sight, and sprint across the city to assure myself Talia is alive and well.

Today marks the longest stretch of time I’ve been away from her since I got her back. I’m actually impressed I’ve made it this long with nothing but a few texts and a thirty-second phone call before I walked onstage. Even though she’s safe and in a much better place than she was two weeks ago, my instincts are still screaming.

Dr. Chastain says the flashes of white-hot rage and crippling anxiety I feel when Talia isn’t in my line of sight are normal. Apparently, in addition to the trauma of almost losing her and the shock of Oliver’s betrayal, I’m contending with the sudden expulsion of four-plus years’ worth of stress, grief, and fear.

“We have time for a couple more questions,” Sam continues.

A dozen hands shoot up, and Sam points at a man in the second row. He jolts to his feet, shark eyes on my face and smile oozing manufactured warmth. “Cory Jones with Los Angeles Nightly News. Mr. Hayes, Oliver McCann was your CIO for almost ten years. Since his arrest, it’s come out that money was his motive for trying to sabotage Lumitech’s nanorobotics research.”

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